it's the time in between...

Leading it and Loving it

2012-02-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across this great ministry called "Leading it and Loving it" last year...they are a ministry dedicated to ministering to ministers, focusing on Pastor's wives. It's still weird to put myself in this category! :) but as I have dug in and connected with their blog and recently their virtual conference, I realize I have a lot in common with the other women engaged in this ministry. The last three weeks they have hosted the "JustOne" virtual conference and I've tuned in every Monday night to listen to several pastor's wives and women who are in leadership positions in the church speak specifically about the struggles of being in ministry.

I've done a lot of self examining these last few weeks and have related with many of the speakers. At times, it's almost been "discouraging" because I come away with some great stuff and realize how I have all these issues! haha I didn't realize I felt THAT way, or I that I've had the same frustrations, or that I wish certain things with ministry would change...But I'm grateful to hear from other people that are all in the same boat, trying to accomplish the same goals, and running into the same roadblocks. It's been encouraging and challenging! They've addressed marriage, family, church ministry, church planting, church betrayal, friendships, appearance, character...you name it! I love that God is giving me these great things now, early on in ministry. Life has been great, marriage has been amazing, and ministry is continually changing into some great things at our church. I'm grateful for these words of wisdom now so I can be more prepared for the challenging days down the road (you know they will come sooner or later!) Here are some random "nuggets" I've heard in the last few weeks that stuck out to me:

You are leading with your life, whether you like it or not. So LEAD! Don't think of it as a curse but as a blessing!
We must be careful about our demeanor...our attitude can speak volumes.
Don't forget your first love, Jesus. He is why you do what you do.
"God's work done God's way will never lack supply" Hudson Taylor
Be the best YOU that you can be. Be the best Missy Moore that God desires!
Don't ride the spiritual coat tails of your husband.
Who am I leading? Who am I intentionally influencing? Who am I unintentionally influencing?
First, I am a Christ follower. Next, I'm a wife! What does my husband need of me?
Ministry can be lonely if your husband isn't your #1 confidant! Keep him #1!
Intimacy=to be fully known. Intimate with God, intimate with husband.
Confession is useless unless there is transformation.
You don't drift into a good marriage...it has to be intentional.

One more week left of the conference!

Wait and See

2011-11-27T18:28:00.001-08:00

I love the song by Matthew West entitled "Wait and See". I love these lyrics: "There is hope, for me yet, because God won't forget, all the plans he's made for me...I have to wait and see, he's not finished with me yet."

I find so much hope and peace in the thought that God isn't finished with me, despite my mess of life. I love that God doesn't leave us where we are, even when we want to be content where we are. He knows what's best for us and wants to help us get to the next place on our journey...which is always better than where we were. But as much as I love that He keeps leading me to the next level, I know that with progression is change. And with change, is character development. I have found that usually character development comes in the areas of discipline, patience, endurance, and so on...aka: the hard part of change. I know I should move, but this selfishness in side of me doesn't want to deal with the character development.

Tonight my husband preached an awesome and challenging message in his series "Understanding the Times". He talked about how we need to be honest and realize our current condition with God and ultimately admit that we don't have it all together. (This is just the beginning and the first step to understanding the times that we live in and understanding our belief system vs. God's belief system) It seems like it's such an easy concept to say "I don't have it all together, I'm not like Jesus...duh!", but I see how in my life I can put up the front and act like I have it all together. Of course I wouldn't say that I'm Jesus Christ, but with what I think I know and my attitude in sharing what I think I know, I can at times reflect this. Sometimes I'm not teachable...sometimes I get bored with church...sometimes I think that certain messages and sermons don't apply to me. What I realized tonight is that I do not have it together. I am not Jesus Christ, nor am I close. I am on a journey and have not arrived at the final destination. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem...well there you go!

Alex mapped out 10 stops that people make along the transformational process to be like Christ. (If you didn't listen to the message...you should! go to www.newlifekc.com) I realized that out of the 10 steps, I am at number 6. I am in the category of "experiencing prolonged spiritual discontent." I think that I am on the back end of this category. The last 2 years, I feel like I've been in this state of wanting more...but not moving. I've felt like at times I am in this "spiritual coma" where I am almost on Auto pilot. But the last 6 months, I believe that God has really been moving in me where I am headed for the next step in the process. In August, I had a complete moment of brokenness. I realized how sinful I was and that I had been breaking God's heart in a certain area of my life. I confessed, and got right with God (which I should have done long before). I believe this is the bridge to the next stop in the process of "experience personal brokeness". I see that I've tasted this, but I haven't lived in this brokeness state. I see the broken state as someone who realizes that they are nothing without God and lean on Him in every area of their life. I'm praying that God would help me to move to the next step in the process. I want to know Him more and be fully dependent on Him. But "wanting it" and "living it" are two different things. I haven't been fully dependent on Christ in my life. I've tasted that dependency, but I'm praying that God would help me see how I can fully depend on Him. I know I can be SO independent!

I'm not sure what is next, but at least I realize where I am and I know where I want to be. Please be praying for me as I move to the next step in this journey with Christ. He's not finished with me yet!

present minded

2011-10-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

God has been speaking to me so much lately...especially when I think about all that has changed since I last blogged in April. Life is EXCITING! I'm in a new season with my job, our youth ministry has moved to a new season in a new space (much awaited space), and really life has just been so unpredictable and interesting. God is really keeping me on my toes! I've enjoyed seeing His work in my life and in others' lives..especially my family. I am so grateful that He never lets go of us, even when we tend to stray. His love is amazing!

Lately I've been reading this devotional, Jesus Calling. It's a short daily reading that takes scripture from the Bible and puts it into Jesus' words...as though He is speaking directly to you. I've been so encouraged and reassured of His promises as I have read this devotional. One of the things that God has really been speaking to me about is being present in the moment. This is one of the excerpts from Jesus Calling..

"You need not fear the future, for I am already there. When you make that quantum leap into eternity, you will find Me awaiting you in heaven. Your future is in My hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow. I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do. Don't be distracted by future concerns. Leave them to Me! Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today. Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the time line into tomorrow's worries or past regrets. Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not living it to the full. I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present. This is how to receive abundant life, which flows free from My throne of grace."

I love the underlined part! This has really spoken to me because I know that many times I carry the weight of the future on my shoulders in the present, especially with work. I carry this weight around in the evenings, hours after I have clocked out. I carry this weight around when I sit down with my husband for dinner and when we pick up a movie to watch. I carry the weight around all day, even on my day off when work is not on the agenda! My husband has been so good about keeping work stuff at work, but I've struggled with this in the past few months. It has become such a burden and stress in my life. While reading this devo, I realized that this is not the way that God wants me to live and this is NOT the abundant life that Jesus has promised. When we live in the future, we miss out on the present. I'm learning to be present in every area. When I'm at work, I'm present at work...not dwelling on things I need to do at home. When I'm at home, I'm present at home...not worrying about things that I need to do at work. When I'm at church, I'm focused on God...not over thinking and analyzing the task list I need to accomplish for my Sunday. It is so hard to be present, when we are living life in fast forward mode. I fear to see how many times I have missed the present blessing because I am concerned with the unknown future. And that's the thing...there is really no reason in fretting over the future because it is unknown. The only assurance we have is this very present moment.

My prayer lately has been: "God, help me live in this present moment. Give me your eyes to see what you see. Help me to place my burdens and worries on you so I can enjoy the abundant life you have promised. Thank you Jesus, amen."

4.25.11

2011-04-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend was so amazing...just what I needed! :) it started with getting off of work early on Friday, then driving to the *mystery* location that ended up being Springfield! We got a hotel there and enjoyed a weekend away from KC! This included a yummy dinner at our favorite restaraunt, Macaroni Grill-

and just hanging out and shopping. I must say...I have a pretty incredible husband! He did it all and for no reason in particular...just because. And lets just be honest-the "just because" times are the best!

After a relaxing, fun, and enjoyable getaway it was Easter Sunday. Church was so alive and exciting! (I even got goosebumps at one point!) it is so awesome to come to church and celebrate Jesus and God's AMAZINGNESS! I love Easter!

So a great, AMAZING, wonderful weekend that I will never forget!

....But then what happens this morning? THE DAY STARTS HORRIBLY! Go figure, right? I woke up so tired, its pouring outside, and I had to be at work early. Things with my meeting didnt go as planned and I found myself extremely discouraged and frustrated. Honestly, I'm still trying to walk it out right now...tryin to keep positive. I've been praying and leaning on Jesus all morning-which made me start thinking, What if I didnt have Jesus in my life? It hit me that I have a Savior that I can lean on and give all my burdens to...and He is right there with me! And not only that, but I realized how much I take Him for granted. I realized that without His death on the cross, I wouldn't have the hope I have when I call to Jesus for help. I realized that there are so many people on earth that have no hope and no one to lean on when they feel discouraged and defeated, like I felt this morning. I am SO grateful for a RISEN savior that is always near, cares about me like a father, and will be sufficent for all of my needs. Thank you God for not giving up on me today!

3.21.11

2011-03-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil & watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, & cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet" James 4 [The Message]

I'm having one of those days. I don't know why and that is more aggravating than anything else! The moment I woke up, I'm having issues...it's funny when I reflect back, but in the moment I was a huge cranky angry monster! Then I get to work and it's a day that requires patience...and let's just say that I don't have alot to give! (Thank you Alex, for your prayer for patience the other day! This ones for you!) I just feel overwhelmed...and I think I'm guilty of letting my emotions get over my mind. Yes, I know that we talked about that at church yesterday. Yes, I know that in life group I said that I would work on it! Well...here is the test! This is going to be one crazy week and I am feeling burdened by everything going on-even though it is all good stuff! Why is that? I am too emotional!

But, the great news is that I just spent my lunch break with Jesus and things are better and on the up and up. I cast my burdens to him (at least in my brain...I'm working on my emotions following my brain) and I'm trusting Him with this day. And the next day. And the next day. He is the constant in my life and the faithful one! I love that when you draw near to God, He will draw near to you. I experienced that today and although my problems are not gone, I can feel relief knowing that God has it under control. He is so merciful and good and I am so thankful for the grace that I have been given on this day. I'm totally underserving...to say the least. Thank you Lord for your love! Time to live out the rest of the day!

God of this City

2011-03-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hearing alot about the tsunami in Japan this morning...and my heart breaks for the people affected by it. It is easy to just say that we will pray for them or say "man that is crazy!" It is easy to be fascinated with these natural distasters and forget about the people involved. As I read about it on twitter, facebook, and hear about it on the radio and news, I think about how these are God's people. Each one is God's creation, whom He loves so very much. It is sad to think about the pain that these people are experiencing through this time and the struggles that they will have in the upcoming days. Things like this do not get better over a couple days or weeks...they take months and years. The best part is that God is bigger than this tsunami and He allowed it to happen...why? Not sure. But we can take confidence that He is the ultimate healer, provider, and will see things thru to the end. The song "God of this City" by Chris Tomlin comes to mind. The hope and prayer would be that all involved would turn to Jesus and trust Him with their lives and future! "Greater things are still to be done in this city!"

3-3-11

2011-03-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

Sitting at work...thinking...waiting on hold...why not blog right now?!?

The thing most on my mind today was from last nights youth service. We talked alot about how the choices you make today will determine where you are tomorrow. It seems obvious but few people look at their choices and how they will impact their future. So I'm examining this in my own life and looking at my daily "deposits" in life and what they will produce tomorrow. I was really changed last night by a girl that visited our youth group. I was asking her about life and what she likes to do for fun and in her spare time. My usual question is to students is to ask about sports and if they play any because that is something that I could have common ground with them on. She told me that she has a physical condition that prohibits her from playing sports that require running but she hopes to be able to play volleyball next year. I asked her what else she likes to do in her spare time, like shopping, hanging out with friends, or go to the movies (ya know-typical teenage girl stuff!) Her response caught me off guard! She told me that she enjoys using her extra time studying the Bible and getting to know the Lord better. She said that is her main focus right now in life.

Lets just say I didn't expect that response! It is so rare to find a student that has that heart...shoot-I'd like to meet some adults that have that heart! At first you want to say "That's odd!" But then I realized that there was something about this that was so awesome and I really admired. My extra time is sometimes so wasted. I was challenged by her response for sure! I know there are many times when I want to take a lunch break at work so I use the time to go shopping or run errands. How much of that little extra time in the day could I use to spend to get to know God better? This girl has some wisdom that I could learn from!

Joyful.

2011-02-17T07:46:00.001-08:00

It's interesting the difference in what we perceive to be true and what actually is reality. I find myself going back and forth with thoughts of "what would it be like if...?" or "someday it will be like this...." And I have this big picture in my head of what it will look like, how it will feel, and how awesome it will be! I had that about marriage. I had a dream of what it would look like and how pleasing to God it would be. That was one of my passions in singleness: Grow and mature so that if God wants me to get married, I will be ready. I was so determined to do "marriage" the right way and it was such a healthy thing. I gave myself to God, trusted Him with the outcome, and lived life the best I could to please Him. I look back now and see the depths of his faithfulness, grace, and direction in my life. I see the deep maturity I developed that my friend's were missing out on. I see now that God was using that season in my life to prepare me for the season I am in now...and I must say: This season rocks! What I perceived...is actually true!

I find myself this morning completely full of joy. It is the joy that is deep down in side that is not circumstantial. (I know this because I have a killer stomach-ache right now but I still find such a peace in my heart!) I feel so grateful, so thankful where God has placed me. He has poured out tremendous grace on me! I was telling a friend I haven't talked to in months that I feel like this time in my life is exactly right. This is what it was meant to be and I have no doubt that I am right where I should be. It's like this season is how it should have always been! I've struggled with contentment and I see that God is walking with me and helping me through it. He is faithful!

...well that is all I have time for now. Thank you to person who put me on hold for 14 minutes so I could type this up :)

Best Valentine's Day Gift!

2011-02-15T09:58:00.000-08:00

It was a great evening...dinner made by my husband with a few surprises too ;) He is too good to be true. AND...he gave me this wonderful gift: http://www.impactyouthkc.com/blog/

hundred more years

2011-01-31T17:41:00.000-08:00

so I'm stoked about the new Francesca Battistelli CD that is coming out in March. For some reason, I feel like she is writing songs about my life. I fell in love with her first CD, and many of the songs on there spoke EXACTLY to my life. God has definitely used her music as a ministry to me! Most recently I have gotten excited about her new album because she released a song off of it called "This is the Stuff". I just so dig the lyrics (not to mention the fun beat)! But the big thing is realizing that God will use anything for good...even the junk. Sometimes I can be frustrated with life, circumstances, stress...and I realize that this is what God is using to shape me. Some of her lyrics are:

"In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

I have felt this way so many times! Frustrated with "the stuff" in life...but really its not all that bad and God will do great things if I respond and grow through it...not just go through it. This year my challenge to myself is to embrace contentment. If we are content, we let God use our mess for great things.

As I think more about the music of Francesca Batistelli, I smile thinking about what songs she wrote and how she spoke to me. This may be cheesy, but really, her music impacted me so much in that season of life! (Mostly 2008-2009) Here are the tracks and what they meant to me:

Free to Be Me: I was going through the whole "identity" stage of thinking about life, where I fit in, what that season was supposed to be like. Free to be me is...well..reassurance that God created me how I am and has great plans to use me!

I'm Letting Go: I learned I needed to surrender my plans and dreams to God...all that I hoped for in life (marriage, children, white picket fence) trusting in Him to fulfill the desires in my heart.

Unpredictable: When I got into college, I had a picture of what things would be like and what God would do. I realized that I put God in my mind as being so predictable...like I was writing God's story, instead of He writing mine! I had to learn to let God be unpredictable :)

Blue Sky: This one was a "picker upper" for me on the album. I remember driving to work (only a 4 min drive) and I would blast this to put me in a good attitude and mindset so I could be ready to do what God was calling me to do that day.

Forever Love: It was a long song, written for God...and I realized that even a man will not be my "forever love" only God will be my forever love! I wanted to sing a love song about a guy and how we will be together forever...but I saw that God had this place in my heart.

Someday Soon: Quite possibly the song that gets me to smile the quickest and brings back so many memories. The song was about "someday soon" falling in love. She wrote this song before she was ever with anyone, but I found myself singing this song and thinking about my now husband-even though we werent even together yet. Sorry! I couldn't help it :) And now I looove singing this song and knowing this day has finally come!

It's Your Life: Pretty much the one phrase that sticks with me is " everyday the choices you make, say what you are and who your heart beats for". I realized that my life reflected what/who was first in it. You can't say God is #1, and make choices otherwise.

Time in Between: This blog is named after this song and it is because I thought it spoke deeply about this season of life I was in. I knew it was a season of transition and preparation for other great things God had for me. But I realized that every great thing has a "time in between" for the purpose of preparation.

So anyways...I think it is so awesome that God uses music to reach us, encourage us, and challenge us in our lives. He took me through that season, to be ready for this one. And now, God will teach me things in this season, to be ready for the next. How GREAT is our God!

new year, new blog!

2011-01-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

a new blog is here! just need to fix up a few things.

...good thing I have a wonderful husband to help me out! :) to be continued!

Jan 5 2011

2011-01-05T12:26:00.001-08:00

Thoughts from today:

IN OR OUT? My tendency with God is to either be in or out…its not that I’m going from wanting to be in or out…but rather, I feel like I am either “in or out” with Him. If I am making strides in life, being fulfilled in what I do, and seeing fruit=I’m in with Him. BUT, if I am lacking the emotional side of things, not enjoying where my life is, feeling blah=then I’m out with Him. I really struggle with this whole “in or out” thing with God. If I look at obedience, I see that no matter what I am trying to obey God. That isn’t really the issue because then I could say that I was in or “out” with God if I wasn’t obeying Him. But I am trying to. But right now, I feel like not much is going on with Him. Not much to talk about, not much to get excited about. (Bad right? I think so too..but I’m sharing some honest thoughts even though I know the right answer to say)

PROSPERITY GOSPEL: I don’t like the thought that believers have a right to the blessings of health and wealth and that we get it by confession of our faith in it. The whole “name it-claim it” thing bugs me. But there is a truth in prosperity with God. He WILL bless you if you follow Him and you CAN have the abundant life with Christ. He wants us to have the prosperous life…but it comes to us by our choice to have faith AND obey his commands. But there is undeniable interest in

GOOD ENOUGH?: I’ve had the attitude before of “I’m good enough for God.” Maybe I didn’t say it…but I thought it and I didn’t realize how I thought that way until a couple years into knowing God. Then I realized the depth of my sin and the shame that comes with it…then I fall into “I’m not good enough for God.” Once again…balance.

CHILDLIKE FAITH?: Have I lost this? Have I made things too complicated?

Leave your baggage at the door!

2010-11-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

No one likes baggage...especially on planes.

The airlines charge extra and people go crazy trying to fit everything into their carry on so they can store in the overhead compartment...resulting in angry flight attendants who get conked in the head trying to fit it up there. Then you have the people walking in the airport with their baggage. They drag it along, bumping people, and running little children over. I don't like baggage. On my last flight, it was so awesome to just have a purse with me and that is it. Traveling with baggage is such a pain.

Baggage also stinks in relationships...but everyone has it. Ya know, the stuff that you wish you didnt do but you did and thus you were who you didn't want to be? It's that stuff that you have to share with someone that you wish you could never speak of again. No matter who you are or where you came from, you have baggage. Lots of junk that shouldn't be there. I wish I didn't have the baggage I have. It wasn't fun in courtship when I had to share that baggage...but I am grateful that by God's grace my baggage wasn't as big as what it could have been. We all have baggage.

But lately I have felt like when I meet with God in my quiet time, I am always bringing along this baggage. It is the stuff that I keep bringing up OVER and OVER again...and it is the stuff that I still a crappy Christian with. I come to God and ask Him to help me over and over again for the same things, even though a lot of the change is dependent on me. I don't like coming to God with baggage that I am still holding on to. I guess God doesn't mind the baggage as long as we are able to give it over to him...then we can be relieved we just get to carry the purse around :) Anyways, I just thought of this analogy while eating my lunch at work. I guess I'm tired of approaching God with the same baggage that He forgave me for a long time ago and is still waiting for me to give over to Him. I don't like feeling like I did this morning when I spent time with God and I felt like I had to "catch up" with Him. It was almost as if I was saying, "Where do I start?" I don't like this. I want to be constantly sharing my life with God so this whole baggage thing doesn't build up with Him.

These are some thoughts today...Eh, what a weird day it has been....

love.

2010-10-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

Lately, it's been incredible to see what God has been doing in my life and the people around me. Sometimes I think I feel like God is in standstill mode...but when you really stop and look around, you see what great things He is doing. He is doing great things in my friend's lives and my family. He has also spoken to me alot lately, reminding me of the potential my life could reach and the things that He wants to do with me. Through praying, reading, and worship, I feel like God has been helping me see that I've been missing the big picture of life. It's like He saying, "You are missing the point." Life is not about the past and old, so get rid of it. Life is not about being comfortable, so step out and risk...have some faith. Life is not about perfection but willingness to obey God. All of these thoughts have come to my mind in the last week. I do believe that this time in my life is a time of preparation for something greater, but I'm not going to take advantage of the moment because He wants to do great something TODAY.

It has been so cool how God has lined up over and over again a message on loving others and living as Christ so that they can come to know Him. Between our weekly womens book study, our Friday night college Bible study, education hour, church service...this has been the reoccuring theme for me. (We even VISITED a church and heard a message revolved around the same theme!) It is like God is transforming my idea of love, evangelism, and impacting the world. It is a whole new perspective for me...so much more OUTWARD, less about me more about others. The more I live I see, this life is not about me.

My heart is set on Christ and it feels so good to be at work and thinking about Him more and more. I think that is what happens when you begin to read more of His word and begin to see things the way He does. That has been my prayer, "Help me God to see life the way you do and to see people the way you do." It is hard to not get caught in my life, the plans I have, and the worries I have. Gotta quit thinking about ME!

Anyways, it has all been super exciting. Being married rocks...especially for the fact that I can hash out some of these thoughts about life with Alex. It has been cool to have the ultimate teammate on my side pursuing Christ together. God is truly graceful and good to us. I've also enjoyed seeing God work in Tanner and Brooke's lives and seeing our leadership team grow. It all brings a smile to my face! Did I mention I love FALL?? Ah favorite season!

Back to work I shall go...just had a quick lunch break with some chicken noodle soup. I leave with these final words...

Isaiah 43:18 "Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?"

Mother Teresa: “Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

Mrs. Alex Moore

2010-09-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

So it is exactly TWO months from July 10th, 2010....the date I was gushing about in my previous post. Yes, I have been married for two months and it has gone by FAST! Things have been great...very fun, entertaining, and lots of good laughs. I'm convinced that laughter is the best medicine for marriage. I may not be an expert...but I think a little (or BIG) giggle here and there smooths things over.

I would like to get back to blogging my thoughts again like the good ol' days. I realize that I don't tend to blog much anymore for two reasons: 1) We dont have internet a home (which is a good thing) 2) I have a husband I can blab to now...ha. Maybe it would be best for both of us for me to blog more!

Anywhoo, I am uploading some pics of our wedding onto my facebook page. Lots of smiles...what a splendid day that was.

June 30th, 2010

2010-06-30T07:55:00.001-07:00

10 days away…well to be exact it is It is 10 days, 4 hours, 32 minutes until Saturday, July 10, 2010. That’s the big day, the wedding, the exciting time where life with Alex begins. I think sometimes I am still in shock about it all. I mean when I look around, it is all normal and right. No one is surprised we are getting married, everything is running smoothly and things are ready to happen. Everyone has embraced this and is very excited with no hesitancy. Sometimes I want to stop and just think that this is truly too good to be true. Something will go wrong and this will stink, right? WRONG.

I think when you allow God to be active in your life and the center of why you do what you do, things can seem too good to be true. We shouldn’t be discouraged about this but encouraged. We know that life will have its ups and downs, its valleys and the mountains. Right now, I’m in the mountains. Life is great, exciting, and there is so much to look forward to. I am looking forward to the last days before the wedding. I am looking forward to the preparation, decorating, and celebrating. I am looking forward to getting ready, walking down the aisle, and being carried away by my prince charming. I am looking to escape from the world for a week to be with the only person in the world who knows me in and out and who I love so much. These are all things that make this time of my life a mountain top experience.

I think that it can be hard right now because it is so busy and there are things that I wish I could make time to do…Like blogging, for instance. I also like to read, run, play soccer, and bike etc. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been happening either! I know that my plate will get to be more full as the days go on, but I also know that if I play my cards right I can have a life of responsibility and enjoyment. Marriage doesn’t mean the fun ends….rather, marriage means the fun multiplies. I am looking forward to the fun!

Probably the other thing that I am looking forward to after getting married, as lame as this is, is routine in life. I feel like my schedule has been out of whack since May with all the changes that happened. I can’t wait to get into a routine of things and get back to being able to relax more because things are in place and how they should be. But no worries, just because things are different than normal doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy it. I keep reminding myself that is a season of life like no other before and I want to enjoy it and know that it will be gone soon….

My Beloved

2010-06-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

I love this Kari Jobe song and I have been thinking about God's perspective on it and how he would sing this to us...

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me ,So beautiful to Me
Under My mercy come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you my child

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your *cares* down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

2010-06-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

A house be not clean if dust lay upon the floor in a pile
Nor be a conscience if sin forgotten with just a smile
But lay that sin upon the Cross both today and tomrrow
And your soul will be healed of all uncureable sorrow

Though a house be still filthy is the dust thrown out
For there still lingers the cobwebs without a doubt
Although the conscience be clean the memories remain
Grace and Mercy through confession thy soul shall obtain

Extenuate my multiple sins I do not dare to do
Nor if to fall seventy times a minute I have not a clue
As to the weight of my sin alone that was put upon You
Not even to think of all the sin that was washed for life anew

2010-05-25T11:52:00.001-07:00

2010-04-20T09:36:00.001-07:00

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet"

James 4

I said YES! JULY 10th 2010

2010-04-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

2010-03-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

Psalm 143:8 "Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you."

Isaiah 43:18-19
"But forget all the past—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Proverbs 16:3, "Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed."

2010-03-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Made you promises a thousand times, I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time, I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, if you touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

2010-03-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying the rain today....

2010-03-09T10:26:00.001-08:00

2010-02-23T13:25:00.000-08:00

2010-02-18T06:59:00.000-08:00

"Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C.S. Lewis

2010-01-06T16:08:00.000-08:00

1 John 2:1-5

"My little children, I am telling you this so that you will stay away from sin. But if you sin, there is someone to plead for you before the Father. His name is Jesus Christ, the one who is all that is good and who pleases God completely. He is the one who took God's wrath against our sins upon himself, and brough us into fellwoship with God; and he is the forgiveness for our sins, and not only ours but all the world's. And how can we be sure that we belong to him? By looking within ourselves: Are we really trying to do what he wants us to? Someone may say, "I am a Christian; I am on my way to heaven; I belong to Christ." But if he doesnt do what Christ tells him to, he is a liar. But those who do what Christ tells them to will learn to love God more and more. That is the way to know whether or not you are a Christian. Anyone who says he is a Christian should live as Christ did."

This is such a different season of life for me. Sometimes it is carefree and enjoyable, and other times it is stressful and emotionally draining. The one thing I am being reminded of, and trying to remind myself, is that God is the same everyday and even though I may waiver, He still is strong and unchanging. I am not perfect, yet God perfects my imperfections. I am passionate about living God's way and doing everything intentionally the way He would want. I feel like God is helping me see how strong sin is and how it can weigh on a person and destroy their whole life. The best news with this is that there is a Savior who came to rescue, forgive, and help us live for God the way that we are meant to. It means with Jesus you can have a fresh start. The devil wants us to doubt, feel defeated, and discouraged-but this is opposite of what God wants! The past is in the past and the best thing is that you can have hope for a future greater than you could ever dream because that is what life with God is like. I am excited, super excited, about life and what God is doing with me and with others. It is awesome to know that He never leaves and always will come to those who call to Him. Life has its ups and downs, but God is always faithful and consistent, unlike mankind. You can never expect a person to fill that place in your heart because it is impossible. This year will be great and will have defining moments that will stand out for the rest of my life. I'm taking it day by day, trusting God with the results, and enjoying every moment. I don't want to fly by this season of my life. The best is yet to come!

2009-12-26T14:55:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged AT ALL in december! I've been more into journaling as of recent but i may be blogging more and more in 2010. looking forward to the days ahead. A life with God is better than any life with anyone or anything else! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2009-11-30T06:33:00.000-08:00

This week is the week of getting back to normal. Back to work full time, back to school full time, and just getting in the groove of things again. I have definately cherished these last few weeks and I am so grateful.

This morning I've been processing this thought of "The joy of the Lord is my strength". I think this is a huge motivation factor for me when I remember that it is the joy of the Lord that helps me through anything and everything. It is seeing Him smile and pleased that is helping me work hard day in and day out for His glory. It isn't about working for other people's favor or opinion, but working for the Lord knowing that His reward is far greater. Back to work I go and ready for a great day of work accomplishment and kingdom building at the same time.

2009-11-16T05:29:00.001-08:00

"The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good." Proverbs 15:3

"I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind Even to give to each man according to his ways, accoridng to the results of his deeds." Jeremiah 17:10

I think when we say stuff like "God is always watching you", it sounds creepy and you can get paranoid. You wonder what He thinks when He sees us and we think of the bad things we have done while He has been watching. But I started to think about how this Proverbs verse says that the Lord watches the evil and the good. He isn't just looking for the bad in everyone or in every place of humanity. He actually is looking upon us, seeing the good that we do. He sees us and enjoys that we do things with Him in mind and according to His word. As the Jeremiah verse says, He is going to search our heart and test our mind. He will examine both to see our motives and purity. Once again-this can be scary!! However, I believe that if you are doing what you ought to be doing than there is a blessing when God watches over you. He isn't just looking for what we do wrong. God is going to see your effort and your love for Him through your actions, your deeds. And it's not just what our heart is and what our words say, but it is through our deeds-what we do.

This is all interesting to me at this point in my life as I am living out a stance I took a long time ago, and have verbalized to many. It isn't just that God knows my heart and my mind in this, but now He is testing my deeds that are following my feelings and thoughts. The deeds are the thing that will show my faith and trust in God...and will be what He bases any blessing off of. Loving life!

2009-11-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

I decided to blog for a second, before I get to work today and be productive. Life this week has been crazy unbelievable. The time has finally come and the moment I thought about for a long time is here. It has been surreal...to say the least (someone pinch me!) But i'm excited and looking forward to every day ahead. I wonder what my relationship with Jesus will be like from here on out. I have this whole new thing to talk to Him about. I think I will go to a new level of knowing Him under these new circumstances and I will see things differently now. I am just so happy about all of this. I can gush about it all I want but it still doesnt explain it all. I'm beaming....

2009-11-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

I think we want to believe that we will be prepared and ready for life, no matter what happens. We can read all the books, listen to our Pastor, study the Bible...and we will be ready. I think we like to believe that we have the plan figured out, how it will go down, and what it will look like...and that nothing will change. There is this false reality that happens that says that you can be completely ready for life's next step and you won't face a stumble along the way because you are ready. I learned this with soccer...you can practice and prepare all you want for game day, but you never know what will happen during that game. There are too many variables that take place to be able to determine the outcome. It's not that you can downplay practice and preparation...these are very important things! You should do whatever you can to be ready for what's next-just know that things don't always go as planned or as expected.

I went to Omaha on Saturday and spent some time with my sister, Maegan. She is 3 years and 8 months older than me and we are the closest of the siblings. I don't get to see her as much with her married life and children, but when we do talk I never fail to gain perspective on something. We were talking about her life with all the responsibilities and tasks of marriage and children and the pressure of it all. She ended up saying that you will never be fully ready for marriage, no matter what you think. It's not that you can't be more prepared for it but you will never be able to understand married life until you are actually in it. This is something I've thought about recently. I think part of me wants everything to go perfect and have all my dreams come true with marriage. For instance...

We would meet, become best friends, court (and do it all the right way...pure, focused on God, examining each other, being realistic about the future), next is engagement, the wedding, and then we would move in together and have the HAPPIEST LIFE EVER! Ha. Not to forget that I will be 100% ready to be a wife, I will be an expert on marriage, somehow I will be able to be the best cook ever and be the best help-mate to my husband...and this will all come naturally!

Sounds nice...but it's a false expectation. Yes, I am going to be more prepared and ready than the average person my age and I can say that confidently. BUT, that doesn't mean I am anywhere close to knowing all about this stuff. So I don't know, its the whole expectations thing I suppose. You have to go in it remembering that it will be work at times and that we are doing it all with God's standard in mind. It is exciting, yet challenging at the same time. It is reassuring knowing that you will never be fully prepared for it, but I still want to do whatever to learn right now more and more while I am single.

Oh just some thoughts....casting them to Jesus! 1 peter 5:7.

2009-10-19T16:27:00.001-07:00

you know, sometimes I am really narrow minded about the potential of what God can do in my life and in the lives of others. I mean...I serve a BIG God-who can do ANYTHING. luke 1:37.

2009-10-15T21:08:00.001-07:00

this week has been great! first days at my new job and i love it so far. i like the people and i'm growing into my own...learning alot! its been great. also growing in discipline and structure in my own life as i try to fit EVERYTHING into one day between babysitting, work, college work, and life in general. good stuff. I have a note in my blackberry full of topics to blog on...maybe I'll find time to write about one soon! God is so great and worthy to be praised! I don't wanna go thru the motions in life!

2009-10-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

Am I foolishness to you

And is it laughable the things I do

Can your calloused minds see past yourselves to His divine

Am I foolishness to you?

Can I sing about my maker

And have you not roll your eyes

Can I weep about my Savior

And the way He died

I know it don't make sense to those who ride the fence, but I'm sold out to Christ!

creator vs. lord

2009-10-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm realizing that many people will identify God as creator and they will acknowledge Jesus as the son of God. They say they believe that God created everything and His son came to earth. But I'm finding for some people that it stops there. They see God as their creator and that's it. They aren't atheist or anti-Christ...they believe in it all. But if you read the Bible, you know that simply believing isn't enough. I guess I'm just seeing that the Devil doesn't mind if you simply "believe" in God...He just doesn't want you to live like it or change for Jesus. So in the meantime, all the people are saying they believe in God as creator but they don't see Jesus in the Lordship position. What an awful place to be in. You think you are alright and your religiously and belief system is enough-only to find out that God has asked of so much more.

2009-10-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

real quick post because I have lots of hmwk to do! Life this week has been great. A big turn around from last week but I never want to forget the state of mind i was in those few days. I never want to forget the feeling of being near rock bottom and beat up and totally dependent on God. When I was in that place I saw my need for God and I was desperate for Him. I let Him fill me up and be my strength. I want this desperate dependancy all the time...not just when times are hard. So praise God for a great couple of days and I will not take them for granted! I'm learning more about myself every day and learning my faults and weaknesses. Takin off the dead weight so I can run after Jesus! I'm excited about life, this weekend's festivities, and about my new job starting up. Oooh ahh...stoked!

2009-09-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

i love fall. change is all around and its a good thing!

september.27.2009

2009-09-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

I’ve felt really vulnerable this week. I hate being vulnerable. I hate being weak. I hate being defenseless. I hate when things are exposed that show who you really are. I dread that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you are open and vulnerable and completely bluntly honest with yourself. You don’t justify, you don’t tiptoe around. This cloud of fear has been hanging over me and this fear of reality is setting in. I’m not one to be weak and poor in spirit. I always think that there is no reason to be that way because Jesus is with me and things could be a lot worse. But this week I felt like that person who is just beaten up.

My circumstances had nothing to do with it because life was pretty typical. The thing that really tore me up was realizing and being honest about how susceptible I was in some struggles. In the past I have thought about the things that could take my eyes off of God and I thought that I had a handle on it all, and I said that many times to myself and to others that they weren’t a problem right now. But man, this week I was just shown that I am so much more wrapped up in things than I’d like to think. We always talk about “self-denial” “take up your cross” “die to your desires” and I say yeah and agree. I pray “God I want my life to be pleasing to you and I don’t want to do anything that isn’t for you”. But how does my life show this? Do my actions speak of self-denial? I’m uneasy when it comes to this new reality of life. I’m uneasy thinking about things and how much they have really taken control of my life. I’m uneasy thinking about how my future will look if I get rid of these distractions. Seriously, I’ve been struck emotionally and mentally with fear these last few days. I’m uneasy thinking about how I’m giving it all to God…like I’ve had to do so many times. How come this time it is so hard? How come it hurts more this time? I’m thinking it’s because the other times I didn’t really know what I was giving up and I didn’t really believe that I was actually sacrificing it forever. This time I am. Sometimes when I get in a place like this I feel really alone and misunderstood. I feel like I can’t explain it and I can’t explain where I am coming from. I can’t explain what God is doing in my heart and I can’t explain how that is transmitting in my life…words can’t express it. The only word that says it is: change. Change has occurred. More change is coming.

For the first time in a while I feel like I am fighting against what I feel and I am actually doing something that hurts. I’ve given God many things that don’t hurt like this. They don’t even measure up to the things I’ve thought about recently and the personal battle I will be facing as the days push forward. But the whole reason I am continuing to sacrifice these things so dear to me is because I want to be used by God and I want to help others to know Jesus better. If I don’t start crushing these desires then they will be weighing me down in reaching the lost and the potential that God has. He has some awesome plans for me and I know this without a doubt. I’ve been in awe and just amazed thinking about the things that God may call me to do. It is outside of the ordinary and will stretch me further than ever before. But the thing is that I will never be able to do it unless I completely let God purify me. “Purify this tainted soul; I’m tired of living life a fool...”

Gosh. I feel like I am in the worst breakup ever. Haha. I’ve probably cried like it too! It’s just you are breaking up with your dreams and hopes, plans…everything I want to happen. No more expectations. I am breaking up with selfish me. I’m saying goodbye to my security blanket. The frustrating thing is that my own junk is impacting every other aspect of my life. My relationships and energy have been impacted by these heavy thoughts. They have been weighing me down and I’m done…I’m done.

What a crazy season of life I am in. Definitely a season of preparation. Galatians 6:9.

2009-09-24T17:45:00.001-07:00

2009-09-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

i wanna grow and mature to be a woman whose heart is so after God that nothing else compares to Him.

2009-09-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

today has been a great day. I really feel like myself again tonight...these last couple days I've been out of my element for several reasons. but at this moment I feel energized, refreshed, and focused. I was able to have dinner and laugh with some good company...girlfriends I've had since I was like 12. It was nice. Life seems to be more challenging lately, but in the long run I know its gonna be worth it all.

2009-09-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

hanging out a home tonight..not doing much of anything. its a nice change from the craziness of life. I like being busy, hanging out with friends but sometimes its cool to just chill at home and bum out with the family. this is my thursday night agenda.

I had a moment in the car the other day where I just stopped and had a surreal awakening. I seriously asked the question to myself, "what am I doing? Is this reality? Is this my life? Is this really Me? Melissa?" I think about life and where I am...seriously, it is way too good. I don't deserve this awesome life. It's not that I'm rich, successful, or have it all together. The things that I'm thinking about are things like my relationship with Jesus. 4 years ago I didnt even know you could have a relationship with God. Woah. Now I can't imagine not having one. I think about my friendships and relationships that I have been blessed with in the last years...wow. what did I do to deserve them? These awesome people I have relationships with...I feel so blessed. I think about where I am in college, the things that I have learned, the opportunities and experiences I've had...who is this girl that is doing these things? How did I end up here? I step out of my body and see this girl who is really in love with Jesus and not thinking twice about it. She just goes for it and doesnt question it. She isn't perfect but she is giving it her all. God has called her to do something great and she will do whatever to get there. Who is this girl? I can't believe it's me. Melissa Leah Fitzgerald. Daughter of Shannon and Regina. Born 11/23/1988. This is me.

The thing I'm always realizing is that I didn't do much to get where I am today. it has nothing to do with me. All I did was ask Jesus to be my Savior and King and then I just started to obey Him and continued on...and now, WOAH, I'm here. thats the thing with God. He knows our potential and He will get us there if we trust Him and just do it His way. I wasn't a girl who grew up in church and knew it all. I came from a messed up family like everyone else and I made some dumb choices too. But I didnt give up on Jesus and He didnt give up on me. Here I am, going to be 21 in a couple months, and my life is satisfying...full of joy...purpose...love. I am striving. I am learning. I am growing. I am living the abundant life.

It's not that life is easy. Even as I type I have struggles that I'm dealing with. Being a Christian is hard. But somehow if you walk with Jesus everyday, you can conquer anything. There are ups and downs, but overall...jeeze, life is way toooo good. I seriously didnt have any idea my life would look like this right now. I would have never never guessed or planned this out but it is better than I could have pictured myself. I believe that this is God's plan for everyone. He will show them a better life than they could ever imagine.

ahh. keep serving the Lord and don't look back.

FGG

sooooo funny.

2009-09-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

God's message to me as of recent

2009-09-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

It is crazy how much of a difference your life is when your heart is in the right place. I've noticed this on my own in the last couple months. We always talk about it...but really, when you are right in God's eyes things are so much better. When I consciously decide to go before God with my sin and ask forgiveness, I find life to be full of more joy even though its a painful process. When I put Him first, I see the abundant life I am living even with small meaningless moments. I have also seen the flip side of this when I don't put Him first. I see where I wander and stray. I see the things I let creep in and try to take my joy. But, I am discovering my own weaknesses and faults through this whole process. I can see that when I am tired, I tend to wander more away from God. When I am lazy with my time, I am lazy with God. When I say I will do things later, I really don't most of the time. When I put any secular media into my brain, I think about the wrong things. When I spend time with someone and never talk about God with them, I see where my heart is. When I am at work to just make money and clock out, I see where my heart is. These are my faults. This is how I am wired. lots of character development yet to take place.

The bottom line is this...nothing should take God's place in our hearts. Nothing should take precedence and priority, nothing should take our emotions and focus, nothing should take our thoughts...but God. (1 John 5:21---probably the most relevant verse of my life right now)

And also God has speaking to me about my self-worth, creation, beauty, and value. These topics never get old and I always need to be refreshed. I am messed up on the inside, yet so loved by Him. Jesus perfects my imperfections. My God is the creator of everything and even created me beautifully in every aspect. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in every way. When God looks at me He doesn't even see the flesh. He just looks at my heart.

One more thing--the word Kingdom is coming up all the time in my life. I'm seeing how God would not call me to do anything that is away from this work of the kingdom. It's not like there will be times in life where we can take a break from sowing seeds and speaking to others. That means that no job I work is bigger than this purpose. No activity I want to participate in is without this purpose of telling others about Jesus. Nothing in the future will happen that God doesn't want to use for His kingdom. Even marriage is about the kingdom--we join as one to be more effective for it. Everything is to help others know Jesus better. This is another profound thing in my life. Dominating my thoughts!

Well that's it...its a lot more than that, but there it is. Just some recent ramblings.

2009-08-20T10:43:00.001-07:00

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

2009-08-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

I'm excited about the things to come. I'm excited about the things that God has been showing me personally, pushing, and challenging me to be. I know that there are things ahead that are going to be rough. I know that there are temptations and trials waiting to be had. I just want my heart to always be after God during this time. Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

Pastor talked about something today that was of so much benefit to me. It was from God. He talked about what to do when we have problems and how to face them. The one thing that is sticking with me now, hours later, is that we need to fix our eyes on Jesus when things come our way. (this isn't new information but right now its really clicking with me) I think I have a tendency to look at the situation, analyze it, and think about it. If it is a bad problem, I may pray about the problem all day, get advice on the problem, dwell on the problem...these can be great things but sometimes I think the best thing is to get your thoughts off of the situation going on and just back on Jesus. I was just thinking about something tonight that I struggle with and I immediately wanted to go and read this book that I have that is regarding this topic and it gives lots of good stuff in there like advice, insights, and it has really helped me in the past. BUT, then I thought, dude-keep your eyes on Jesus. Dont go and absorb yourself with the problem and the solution. Instead, keep your eyes on God. Pray to Him. Read His Word. Get wrapped up in Him and this problem will be of no issue. I realize that as I spend time with God, I find that He just puts stuff into perspective. The things that I came into the prayer time with that were the "big" deal, the big worry...all are squashed by the end. I realize most of the time the real issue at hand and the things that really matter in God's eyes.

I stumbled across this verse, summing up my life right now.

Psalm 84:11 " For Jehovah God is our Light and our Protector. He gives us grace and glory. No good thing will he withhold from those who walk along his paths." The Living Bible

Lately, I've been guilty of playing the guessing game. Alot of "what ifs" and "maybe this will happen" ugh. this is annoying. No benefit! I'm just going back to God and giving it all to him. All the plans. All the dreams. All the desires. Goodbye!

august 10th 2005.

2009-08-10T22:36:00.001-07:00

I'm living for Jesus Christ. 4 years later..the committment still stands true. 4 years plus eternity of life with God. this is just the beginning. how amazing and wonderful.

2009-08-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

I just put a two year old to bed...she's hilarious. I was just thinking about how you teach her how to do things and the joy of seeing her be able to do it all on her own. For instance-taking a bath. I have watched the kids ever since kenzie was a baby and so the bath time was a job and hard work...especially with her, bradey being 3, and kalyna being 4. Now its a fun enjoyable time. Bradey and Kalyna can function on their own with me watching and they know what they are doing. I love seeing them grow to be able to function on their own. Kenzi is now getting to the place where she washes her body by herself and can name the body parts like toes, arms, and tummy. Besides the fact that it is cute, it is cool to see how she is growing.

I was thinking about God admist all of this. As I was washing her hair, I was thinking about the joy that God probably gets when He sees us start to do things on our own. Maybe before we had to keep being reminded, we struggled, and we needed a hand...but now we are growing and able to do it on our own. Its alot like giving Kenzi a bath. I don't just leave her on her own even though she can start to do the routine...she still needs my help and guidance. This is the role that God is playing. I don't think he expects us to do it all on our own and use our own strength. He is our strength and our help, even as we are growing. He is the loving father helping us to learn and do the things we are supposed to do in order to mature. Sometimes this requires discipline, just as it is for a child. But it is all in love and to see us grow to reach our max potential. Just as a parent is helping their child, they want them to learn to do things on their own so that they can reach max potential in their lives. Then they see that, grow up, get married, and have kids-only to teach them too. This is just like it is with God. We are growing up, being disciplined, learning...only to share it with others for the sake of helping and ministering.

oh just some thoughts that started with a night of babysitting...

2009-07-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

I'm getting super stoked for CRAVE 09! Ready to see some lives changed and impacted forever! I will blog afterwards...so much to do before tuesday gotta use my time wisely and get readddddddddddddddddddddddddy.
excitement is coming. anticipation is building.
FGG!

2009-07-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

having an awesome and productive day so far! i'm excited about going out to dinner with a friend tonight from high school that i havent seen in forever. It will be great to hear about everything they are up to and to get an opportunity to share with them what God is doing in my life right now. wahooo. I'm focused and living out my committment to God, both in words and actions!

2009-07-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

So the thing that God spoke to me about over a week ago...now finally makes sense. i didnt just want to dismiss it and obviously it proved tonight that it was what I was supposed to hear. This is definitely a first time for me. Usually i hear God, take it in, recieve, and try to grow from it. But this time around I had no idea what it meant. Tonight... It means so much..its so clear!

"You must identify with Jesus before you identify with anything or anyone else. He will lead you where you belong"

You see, personally identifying with Jesus before anything or anyone else is what puts you in the center of God's will. That's where I want to be. Alot of times I think about where I am and where I'll be, how everything will look, what I need to do right now to get ready...but the whole thing is that if I identify with Jesus, I don't need to worry about that stuff. HE will lead me where I belong. He will open the doors, close the doors, bring people into my life that are supposed to be there. He will help me with ministry, help me be wise with my time, and help me to be the most effective person I can be. Stick with Jesus...everything will go as He has planned. The best possible plan and the most abundant life will be ahead, if I stick and obey and go all out.

I watched a Matthew West documentary today and it really impacted and inspired me. He has a great testimony but the whole thing is that he had this life planned ahead that was going to be awesome. He was getting a contract to record a worship album and do all these awesome things for God. He was going to make an impact. The only thing is that he realized that he didnt do it all God's way... I love how he said that he used to do all these "God" things but at the end of the day he would say to God "I hope you like what I did" instead of looking to God and saying "What do you want me to do?" It just spoke volumes to me. He was driving his life and not God...even if he was doing "good" things it wasn't anything without God being the director of his plans. For me-I think that I don't have to make a grand plan, have everything figured out. I wonder what I will do when school is over or what will happen with ministry and life...but if God is driving the wheel, one day at a time, I will be EXACTLY where I belong.

to identify with jesus...to be unified with God. To be united with fellow believers all reaching one goal ahead. lets do this.

2009-07-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

life is FANTASTIC. on fire. passionate. focused. one way. all or nothing.

2 Thessalonians 1:11: Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, he will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely

2009-07-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

good day. great day. fantastic day.
God doesnt care about your past...He just wants your future.
amen to that.

surprise!

2009-07-12T21:18:00.001-07:00

I find that God speaks to me alot in the moments when I don't expect it. I love this about Him. I love surprises! Ha. But seriously, God is speaking some stuff directly. I was at Saturday night prayer last night and that time is such an awesome time to have. I can see how my prayer life has grown over the years. I have been thinking...probably a little more than what I should be. Let's just be honest. Thinking can be a tool for Satan to get you to be distracted from the real deal. At prayer, I was just thinking about this moment of my life. I am in a season unlike none other. I have been excited about this season and very content about where I am and where I am headed. I can see God preparing me in different ways for the next season of my life but above all, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing what God wants.

but God said this to me last night and I can't stop thinking about it... I want to make sure I ask Him about it and seek Him because I know that these words are from Him. He said along the lines of ... You must identify with Jesus before you identify with anything or anyone else. He will lead you where you belong.

I think God is giving me confidence and solidifying how important my relationship with Him is. I mean...HE IS NUMBER ONE. No other person, no other thing can take this place. Identify with Jesus, lean on to Jesus, stick with Jesus...and I will be good!

Just some thoughts.

Thank you God for speaking to me. I pray I will grow from it and let it lead me where you want me to be!

2009-07-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

i cant believe its july 9. crazzzy. time is flying by so stinkin fast. why summer must you go away? I'm excited though for conference coming up! it is always one of my favorite parts of summer. I'm praying for God to move in some big ways!

life as of current is great. Easy, no. but great! Discipline is kicking my butt, trying to be productive yet enjoy life is a balance that I'm trying to figure out. One day at a time is how I'm taking it. do the best that you can today and let tomorrow be tomorrow. That means that sometimes you gotta enjoy the moment, eat ice cream with a friend, and let the homework wait. Other times it means you gotta crack the whip and work hard and get some stuff done because time is passing by every moment. I've been sharing Christ with my friend for a while now and it has been so cool for her to see just how awesome God is. But also through our conversations she has also realized that being a Christian is not an easy thing. If you are all out for God, you are going against everything the world says. At times I stopped and was thinking about this...it is so hard to serve God! It takes work and focus and discipline! But it is a greater reward than anything and everything this world has to offer. With God, we can do all things and that is what makes Him happy. Nothing is better than being able to feel God's delight when he looks at your life and how you served Him and did everything with the right heart.

How do you say sane when life is crazy? JESUS. Jesus is the consistency in my life. When things are busy, Jesus is there to keep me focused. When I'm tired, exhausted, and defeated...Jesus is there to lift me up. When I have an awesome day, Jesus is there to rejoice with me and get all the praise. Jesus is number one to me.

growing and loving life. :)

grow. be more.

2009-06-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

vacation was awesome....to put it simply. I stepped out of my comfort zone, stepped away from all relationships I interact with daily, and jumped into a whole new lifestyle for 6 days. I got to relax, experience new things, run in the country fields, spend time with Jesus, and just breathe with no stress. it was great. I was praying for this trip to be like this so praise God for that. I knew this whole trip was a God-thing and He wanted it to happen. Many great things came because of this short vacation.

Of all the things I expected and wanted, I especially wanted to grow. I was pushing myself to not be lazy in this week but take advantage of the time I had. I made sure to spend time with God, read my Bible, go out and just see the nature that God created. At one point I was standing at an intersection in the middle of the country and there was no one around for miles...not even a house or cars or anything. I just stopped and was speechless. God made it all and its so beautiful! the fields, the animals, the sun. Then at night time, I saw something that I couldnt possibly put into words. I saw stars like I've never seen in my life. We went out and just gazed at them...and you will never see stars in the city like you do in the country. Once again, how great is our God.

I was cleansed this week. With no media outlets coming through my brain, no news or anything, I almost felt like I was separate from the world. I'm not sure if I like this completely. I like to have a knowledge of whats going on in the news. But the big thing is that I felt alot better without the tv. I felt better without the internet. I felt "cleaner" as weird as that is. My mind was filled with less junk. There is a balance in this for me, but once again I was reminded that these things play a bigger part in my life than what I'd like to admit. When I was there and I was looking for something to do, the tv or internet wasnt avaliable so I just read my Bible or read a book I picked up. I feel so much healthier with this stuff! arghh. Its frustrating because it all comes down to laziness. Its easier to watch TV or get on facebook...but the easiest thing is the worst thing usually. I didnt have any music either which was CRAZY. that was a first. I always listen to music...every morning and night, in the car everywhere I go. A week without music made me realize how much I lean on music to fill the silence. Not sure if this is a bad or good thing yet. ha.

I enjoyed the conversations I was able to have with Kamee. Talking back and forth about controversial subjects, asking the hard questions, getting her take on things that I have never talked about before. We bantered back and forth about what is right and what God thinks about it all compared to the world. This was great and I'm thankful. I believe God had a smile on His face looking at this week and this vacation. Sometimes you wonder if these worldy things like vacations and trips can bring Him glory and praise. This week it did and thats what made it all worth it.

now the thing is to take these things into daily life. I find myself fed up with apathy and sin and passionate about conviction and righteousness. We are only given so much time and I dont want to stand before God saying that I wasted my time away. I dont want to stand before God saying that I was caught up in myself and my life while people are going to hell and wasting away....

“So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.” Eleanor Roosevelt

ready

2009-06-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

6 days of freedom and relaxation. i'm stoked. but its more than carelessness and lack of responsbility that i want to engulf myself in. I want to grow this week. No distractions will be around but what I allow there to be-no media outlets, no cell phones, no schedule, no work, no hmwk, no everyday stresses. Just life and time to do whatever. I think it's even going to be good to have some separation time from friends too because you may care about each other and love hanging out...but some time apart is a healthy thing! It's going to be interesting, thats for sure. My parents said that it is awesome if i do these things now, while I can before a serious job committment, husband, or children! This week is going to be a total blessing overall and I'm so thankful to God for working it all out.

But I'm also determined that this week will have PURPOSE! I want to just get deep into God's word, spend so much time with Him in the common hours, go out and run on the dirt roads, and get some sun. (it's supposed to be in the 100's all week! craziness) I'll be journaling my experiences, thoughts, God times and I'm picking up a book from the library I am interested in reading too. I hope to get to do new things and see what other people live like outside of my little box that I'm in. I want to spend some down time with Kamee and see where her roots are...where she calls home and all the memories that she has with it. All of this is what I am looking forward to!

In the meantime, between now and tomorrow afternoon, I still have to clean, pack, run some errands...oh and do some hmwk and take a test! Wow oh wow. Be with me Jesus! With God...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Goodbye KC til Saturday.

2009-06-15T13:08:00.001-07:00

a thought:
every girl spends time daydreaming about their wedding...whether they admit it or not. why dont we daydream about our wedding to Christ one day? the day when the church, known as the Bride of Christ, will be reunited again with Jesus himself? How glorious this time will be! Now this is something to dream about!

2009-06-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

i really dont know why i am still awake.
i'm supposed to meet a friend to run in approximately 6 hours.
yet i'm blogging. and its 1 am.
maybe its the day's full schedule that has me still buzzing around.
or perhaps the thoughts in my mind.
but either way...sleep is in the near future.

i have had more growth in the last couple weeks than i have in a long time..spiritually speaking! (no, in the height department i'm still short!) but for real, i have had my eyes opened, been humbled, been shown where i really am and the ways that i am coming short of the goal. All praise and thanks to God for teaching me and never giving up on me. I've been having revelations about God from the Bible, grasping new concepts, and just growing as a person. I am having some "growing pains" that are tough. But this is the only way to grow and truly reach the potential that each one of us has been given to reach. I want to reach my max potential.

sometimes i feel like i am doing so good...only to see that it is just God doing good through me. Nothing about me is good. Only God is good. He is so good to work on my heart and help me become more. I think about things I dont have control of...but only God is good enough to do what is BEST for me, in the PERFECT timing, in a way that will bring Him GLORY.

Lord, keep workin on this mess i am! youre so good to me!

2009-06-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

life has been chaotic but sometimes you just gotta deal. Take a deep breath. Relax. Trust God. Pray. Take it step by step. Moment by moment. Do the best that you can. Give it your all.

That is the formula for survival right now as everything is jammed pack as far as the schedule goes and it seems i cant just catch a breath. I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off...but i know that this is a good thing! for real. I am growing, learning how to prioritze and plan my time and have a busy-yet enjoyable-life all with good attitude and a genuine smile on my face. I'm seein some progress! I am excited about the things I am learning, seeing God move in my life, and of course...I am excited for whatever it is that God has next. Trying not to get ancy or impatient...just trusting Him each day and giving Him my destiny. He is so good. I just want to share it with the world and be the light that brightens this darkness we live in everyday.

This is the scripture of my life right now....

Matthew 6

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Tuck Everlasting

2009-06-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

So one of the books I loved in junior high days was a book called Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt. The book is about a girl named Winnie Foster and how she encounters the Tuck family. However, the Tuck family has an unusual dark secret...they are immortal. Winnie discovers that many years ago they drank from a spring that gave them life forever where they can never die. Nothing can physically hurt them, no gunshot or wound, and they will live on forever. The Tuck family never wanted anyone to know, but once Winnie finds out they have no choice but to explain to her everything and how it happened. Winnie is awestruck by the family and (of course) falls in love with Jesse, one of the Tuck boys. They spend time together and love each other-but are faced to think about the future and how she will die but he will live on forever. She wants to be with him forever, even be immortal too. what is she to do? She is offered to drink from the spring but still knows that it will impact and change everything. She is all of the sudden facing a moment of truth. What should she do?

I was watching this movie on Lifetime, as I remember once again why I loved the movie and book. The story is very enchanting yet intense and mind boggling. A young girl is faced with the hardest decision of her life. Wouldn't it be cool to live forever? To never fear death? To never have to worry about dying or how you will die, or how your loved ones would die? Doesn't that sound cool? Well, I thought that it was interesting that the Tuck family told Winnie not to drink it. They were immortal but they liked the idea of dying. They said it was more miserable to live forever than to die and face death because there wasn't anything on earth worth living for. They talked to her about making the hard decision now and in the long run it would pay off later. She may want to drink it now, but she needed to think about years down the road. I was thinking about these choices that we have to make that affect our life forever. There are "defining moments" where we make a decision that impacts us for life. I thought about this decision that Winnie had to make and was thinking about the decision to live for Christ that you make.

I was thinking about commitment. If you had to do something that you couldn't turn back from, you would have to be committed to it 100%. If Winnie took a drink and changed her mind, it would be too late and she couldn't go back. I think that this is why many people fear commitment and then once they say they are "committed" they aren't really all in. When some people get saved or "commit" their life to Christ, they are half hearted. They want the gift but its a hard decision to make and requires change...so they choose to not go all the way just in case they don't like it and they can turn back later. The truth is that people lack commitment. No matter what it is, people don't want to commit. And that is the problem with Christians today....you can't be half in and half out with God. You can't be lukewarm for God cause He doesn't want that! He says hot or cold! So when you take a "drink" from the spring, you are all in because you chose the road and are not looking back. God wants His children to be in it for the long run. He wants you to take a drink and think about serving Him for the rest of your life. Eternity is in mind. It's not that you have to know everything he wants you to do, He just wants commitment and to give your word that no matter what happens, you will always serve Him. It's not that you won't struggle but that He wants to know that you aren't going to give up on it. He wants to hear that you don't want to turn back to the old sinful life and you are there to live a new committed life. It is commitment that is lacking in the church and causing hypocrisy. They feel like they can get away with the half-hearted apathetic life they call a relationship with Jesus.

By no means is this book written for a Christian perspective, but there are different things to learn from it. When you think about death, it doesn't have to be a scary thing if you know God. We are offered eternal life with God if we choose to follow Christ. I just think its interesting that many don't consider this a big deal or a big decision to make. They carelessly go through life without thinking about it. But then there are people who decide to follow Christ, but then only do it half-heartily out of their own selfishness. Immortality on earth isn't realistic, but your soul will live forever and it is our choice and decision where it will live...heaven or hell?

oh, and what did Winnie Foster do? Read the book....duh! It's a real good ending!

2009-05-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

i saw the movie "tuck everlasting" the other day...well, the first time in years. it jogged some thoughts...look forward to that post!

achings.

2009-05-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am just aching to grow. I have this hunger and desire thriving on the inside. It's like the feeling that you get when something is really bothering you and you can't think about anything else...except it's not a bad thing, but a great thing. I am just so hungry and thirsty for spiritual growth. I want to be more for God. I want to be stronger in Him. I want to be wiser. I want to grow in my knowledge of God and the Bible...but also in my everyday relationship with Christ. I feel like God has really put this on my heart lately. I dont want to just be the silly girl that can have a good laugh and be the center of attention. But I also want to be the woman who can hold up her own, speak highly of others, give wisdom and encouragement, have compassion and understanding and a woman who can impact other people's lives for Christ. The person that is one fire and passionate about God working in her life. I don't want to look back and wish I'd done more with my time.

These next 13 days I have been given an opportunity to grow. I'll get some alone time and I really want to focus on God. I'm tired of talking about it and I'm tired of going to bed with this desire for God unfulfilled. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think about how I want to do more for God and I have this urgency, but I don't act on the urgency. I want to start acting on it. I want God to be speaking to me and I want to learn new things. I want the "aahh ha" moments I used to have all the time. I want the divine appointments and ministry opportunties that were all around when I was focused, and not that they were just around but that I was taking advantage of the opportunities. I want the deep God-filled conversations with friends and I want Christ to just be reflecting in my life inside and out. But these things dont just happen. It requires work, time, and faith in God. I have to put in the effort to grow and stop being content with my present condition. Lord... help me with this. These are the desires of my heart.

:)

2009-05-24T16:48:00.001-07:00

I'm excited about the next couple weeks. There will be some fun stuff going on... plus ++ I have some big plans of my own that I am going to do and be PRODUCTIVE with. I'm excited to make my to-do list and get going on these things. Summer is here and I LOVE IT. I just enjoy life at a whole new level and everything that goes on. Lots of activites, beautiful weather, and ministry opportunities! I even got to talk to a bunch of people from high school that I havent seen since we graduated today. How awesome God is. The opportunities are there if we open our eyes and take them. Seek God...and everything else will fall into place. He loves us and will give us everything we need-and all we could have dreamed of. I want to be so wrapped up in Him.

I would have never imagined my life to be as good as it is now and it just keeps getting better. All praise to God.

Thursday May 21

2009-05-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

This song hit me this morning. thennnnn, i opened my bible and verse I read went right with it for what I thought God was trying to say to me. yes, thats how cool God is!

Surrender by Jeremy Camp:

Purify this tainted soul
I'm tired of living life a fool
Soften up this hardened clay
To be a servant, this I pray
A reflection of You, I long to be
So Your kingdom I will seek

I've taken things I thought my own
Only to reap what I've sown
You've given back the years I fought
An ending love and grace You've brought
Eternal hope and peace You bring
And forever unto You I will sing

I surrender to Your throne
And I will make my heart Your home "

Proverbs 21:2-3

People may be right in their own eyes,
but the Lord examines their heart.
The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just
than when we offer him sacrifices

I want more of God. I want to know Jesus better. Help me God to continue to seek your face!

2009-05-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

this week has been awessomeeee so far.

no reason in particular. just has been. walking with JESUS!

So pretty much God rocks. I didn't deserve this life...I don't deserve this amazingness.

thanks God.

speechless

2009-05-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

i'm too tired to write anything deep or profound tonight. the weekend is finally catching up with me but it was really awesome. My days off were relaxing and the retreat was impacting. God really worked on my heart with somethings while at the retreat. I wish I just could write it all out right now but I think I'll just save it for another time. It's good stuff. God is just so awesomeamazingfantasticalkdjlkghahga. anythin else i can say i would. i cant put my joy and love for God into words right now. I am definitely having one of those "mountain-top" experiences and I'm gonna enjoy and praise God for this time.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, grandma, and aunt. They are great, even if they are crazy! I love being around them! And Happy Mother's Day to my sister too! Time to go spend more time with my mom...gonna finish watching bride wars.

FGG

2009-05-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

ready for the weekend=excited.

had a productive day= work done, worked out, meeting, & played around.

looked at high school yearbooks tonight=wierd. awkward. funny.

got some new cds from friends=listenin & lovin them.

God is so amazing=can't put into words. speechless. in awe.

parents=they are a blessing [even when it doesnt feel like it at the time.]

2 Samuel 21=got me thinking about stuff.

june bugs=summer is here=awesomeness=can't wait.

laughing til you your sides hurt=priceless.[waitin for a good laugh like that again]

me+jesus+love=you.

sacrifice?

2009-05-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

sacrifice: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

do I really understand sacrifice? The necessity for sacrifice as a Christian?

Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship."

I know that accepting the gift of eternal life and a commitment to Jesus Christ requires sacrifice. I have to give up my own wants and desires and do what He wants. I have to quit living by how I feel and what feels good and do what is right. I know this and have known this...maybe in my brain, but not in my heart. I feel like for the first time in my relationship with Jesus Christ, I have been understanding sacrifice from God's perspective. I think God has opened my eyes to see that without sacrifice, we can never receive all that God has planned for us. Maybe there are things that we "sacrifice" that we don't miss but there are and will continue to be things that we really want that we will sacrifice for what God has. I liked that definition of sacrifice above because it shows this process of sacrifice. We give up something treasured and prized...very important to us...in order to receive something greater, which is God.

In one of my quiet times this week I was thinking about sacrifice and the story of Abraham and Isaac was brought to my mind. I was just thinking about how God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, who he loved so much. I was thinking about how Abraham would feel in that moment, wanting to trust God and obey but still thinking of what God was asking him to do. THIS IS SACRIFICE. Can you imagine the walk that Abraham and Isaac took to get to the mountain where the sacrifice was to take place and what Abraham must have been thinking? Talk about being brokenhearted and tore up. THIS IS SACRIFICE. Yet, he obeyed God and did what he was supposed to do and at last minute God stopped him from killing his son, brought a ram instead for the offering, and praised Abraham for his faith. Seriously, I have never faced sacrifice like that. But when we think about the altar and going to sacrifice things in our lives, like they did in the Old Testament, this is what I have in mind. You don't just sacrifice petty things, but the things that you really want and treasure. You take those things, put it on the altar, and give it to God---knowing and trusting that if you're supposed to have it that he will give it back to you.

It's hard. It's not easy. I was praying about things like marriage. For any girl, this is a especially big deal. Thinking about the wedding, the life ahead of spending everyday with your husband, your prince charming, your warrior and protector. To be able to love someone with everything inside of you for no reason but because you love them. To be able to share life with him, grow old together, grow closer to God together. This is what I want. But I came to the place where I just had to sacrifice it to God. It is what I desire. It is what I want for my life. I want to be a wife, to be the supporter of my husband, to help him be all God is calling Him to be. I want to be a mom, to raise my kids in the way that God wants, to set an example and help them be all that God wants them to be. I want to create a family and household that is pleasing to God. This is what I see in my future. YET-I am giving it up.

"God, you know my heart and you know my desires. You know what I want so bad. You know how I feel about everything and the thoughts that I have. I want to be a wife and a mom. But, God, right now I give that to you. I give my desire for marriage and give it to you. Maybe you want me to be single and if that is the case then I will still praise you and obey and embrace life to the fullest. I want to have children. But God, I give this desire to you, knowing that I may never get it back and never experience what it is like to be a mom. I believe that if these things don't come to pass in my life, you have greater plans and I can accept them. Help me God to be satisfied in you, not these earthly things. I just give over my plans, hopes, expectations and dreams to you and ask you to fill me with the things of you. Give me the desires of your heart God."

Wow. Tough. Tears stream down my face every time I pray this. But God is worth it all. My relationship with Jesus Christ is more important than marriage, children, and anything else I have dreamed up for myself. I give it up, fully knowing that I may never get it back. THIS IS TRUE SACRIFICE.

expectations.

2009-04-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about expectations lately. (thank you Bill Gothard! ha.) I have been thinking about the times that I get upset, frustrated, mad, annoyed, irked...and so on. So i've been looking back and thinking about the times that I just blow up on the inside. (if I'm angry...I keep it in, then it all comes out in tears..true story). Looking back, the times that I get angry all have something in common. Those times are when I either don't get what I want or things dont go the way that I expected or planned. So this word of expectations comes into play.

Expectations are a scary thing. They can set you up for failure. If you expect something to happen and it doesnt, it can hurt so bad. If you expect someone to do something for you or act a certain way...you are putting yourself up for a let down. I'm realizing in myself that I need to stop having expectations for things. I shouldn't expect something because often times I believe that I DESERVE it and that I have a RIGHT to something happening a certain way. When we have expectations, we are in control. But that isn't what being a Christian is at all. God is supposed to be in control and we need to give all our expectations to Him. When we do this, I believe that another attitude will shine in us. That is: GRATEFULNESS. When we don't have expectations, God can do things for us and we will appreciate it. Then, when He chooses not to give us what we want, we will not be defeated. We will know that He is in control.

so...I've been thinkin about that. I struggle with being grateful. I usually take things for granted and then when things don't go my way, I get upset. Like over stupid things...for example: (The life of Missy Fitzgerald)

I came home from church late...I wanted to get a snack, watch the DVR shows I recorded, and go to bed.

But when I came home...my brother was watching the TV. Oh no.

"Can I watch my recorded show, Matt?"

He says, "No. I'm watching a movie"

I say, "Well, when will it be over?"

He says, "In an hour."

At this point its like eleven and I'm exhausted. But I have to see what happened on American Idol.

So what do I do?

I get annoyed and frustrated...and quiet. (cause thats what I do when I get mad)

I go to bed with a chip on my shoulder.

How silly of me. selfish.

All because of expectations and not getting what I want.

I'm still so immature! Gotta work on this.

The thing with this is that I had these expectations and rights. I felt that I deserved and that I should get my way. When in all reality, it isn't like that at all. If the tables were turned, my brother wouldn't get mad. It's silly. I know. I am just a selfish creature and God is trying to work on that inside of me....even if its through wierd things like this. I'm learning!

Just a tid bit of my life. the end.

Titus 2:11-14

2009-04-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

I really have a lot of thoughts...but I can't find a concise way to write them. eh, i love writing but sometimes its just alot easier to share these thoughts with someone in person. But, no one around...no one who probably has interest or cares...and its like 7:45am. soooo i guess these thoughts will stay in my head. ha. but this last week was great with the IBLP seminar at church. I went in praying about somethings and I was laughing during it because God spoke to me so much about the things that I had on my heart. so i'm stoked and grateful for what I learned. I didn't want to just sit there and not get much out of it...so yey for God.

I'm ready for this week and to make God famous in my life. To give Him the glory and all the fame in everything I do because everything that I am is BECAUSE of Him. Nothing I did, nothing I deserve. Just the grace of God and the gift of Jesus. Time to live it out. Stop just talking about what God can do...but actually seeing somethings go down. It all comes down to making yourself a living sacrifice. Actually taking your life and putting it on the altar. Sacrificing what you want, what you desire and giving it to Him. Verbalizing that to God- that the very things you want the most you give to Him and know that if you should have them that He will give it back. That is what Jesus did: He gave up all of his rights. It's tough! If you lay down those things...and mean it, its heart wrenching...but this is what it means to follow Christ wholeheartedly.

"For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds." Titus 2:11-14

love.you.jesus.

2009-04-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

i don't have much to say but that these two days this week so far have been amazing. ultra productive in the homework world and at the canyon. all that i want to accomplish this week is more time with jesus. i love him so much and i just need to make more time to spend with him. I'm also praying hardcore for this IBLP seminar this week and that God will teach me new things. I just wanna growwwww.

I hope you are having a blessed week and leaning on jesus for everything.
Life is meant to be lived! God has an abundant life waiting for us, all we have to do is take it and follow him step by step.

FGG.

quit being weak.

2009-04-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

"Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

Worship God if you want the best;
worship opens doors to all his goodness.

Young lions on the prowl get hungry,
but God-seekers are full of God. "

Psalm 34:8-10 (the message)

things that make you go hmmm....

2009-04-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

My latest list of things that have been boggling my brain…things that make you go hmm…

How is it that I can be busy on facebook for two hours or more…but 30 minutes of homework feels like three hours and I am exhausted and falling asleep?

Why is it that the bad food only tastes good? Okay, there are some healthy foods that are good…but really, why do we only crave the bad things? Why can’t I crave cauliflower or spinach?

Why is it that we speed when we are in a hurry? I mean… really…we only get there a couple minutes faster and most of the time those couple minutes don’t make a difference. If you are late then you are late.

Why is it that sometimes love can hurt? Does true love hurt? Has love been glazed over only to be this thing that “feels” good? Or will love always have it times of hurting and it is just a matter of fact that love can hurt?

How is it that God, who knows EVERYTHING, can see my whole life-all the junk-yet love me more than anyone else could?

How is it that when you meet God face to face and see Him in all His glory…you can feel so unworthy, yet so loved and valued? It’s not that you deserve it, but God welcomes you in like you deserve it.

How is it that the very things I dislike the most about myself are the hardest ones to change?

Why is it that I get annoyed when I do something idiotic, but I can’t help but be that annoying person that everyone gets irritated with? Even my personality I get annoyed with. I really can’t help it. Why do people hang out with me? Haha.

How is it that I feel so led by God in what I am doing-yet my life is like a blank canvas and I’m walking around in faith with very little knowledge of the future? I really don’t know what step is next (specifically speaking).

How is it that sometimes the things that consume our thoughts and kill our patience are the very same things that weren’t waiting for and stressing out about in the first place? Why do we get impatient for the things that aren’t worth having? Or how about this: why do we get impatient when we see how quick life is flying by? It will be here soon.

How come the very things we want are the things that are given to us when we aren’t looking for them?

Why is it that conversations are always full of complaining? It is either too cold in here or too hot. Something is either too easy or too hard. Life is either too busy or we are bored. How come we are never satisfied?

Why is it that Sundays are stressful and busy days for Christians? Shouldn’t it be a day to relax and rejoice in the Lord?

Why don’t we (our generation) take advice from our parents or grandparents? Haven’t they seen enough or been down the same road where we can trust that they know what they are talking about?

Why is it that girls want to get married right away when you can talk to any wife and they say to stay single longer?

Why does it take fifteen compliments to be encouraged about what you are doing, but only one comment to be discouraging and bring you down?

Why do we analyze others faults when we all know our deepest dark failures?

Why do we have to “see to believe” things now a days? How is it that you cannot trust a man’s word anymore?

Why do we say beauty is from within, but everyone looks on the outside beauty before they give the inside a chance?

Why is it that I can say the right things, my heart is hungry for the right things, but the wrong things creep in?

How is it that people complain about the lack of privacy, yet they put their lives on facebook and twitter..depicting every moment of their day? Celebrities wonder why the paparazzi always knows where they are...

things that make you go hmm...

restless.

2009-04-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

a lot in my mind tonight.

this bethany dillon song fits me perfectly in this moment.

"All I need"

When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

sweep me away.

2009-04-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

seems like my writing has been limited these last couple of weeks due to homework. Well, wait. I'm writing...just not in the blog world. I've been writing plenty for school! But lots of studyin been going on lately. I'm not sure if it is because my current class has a lot of assignments...or rather I am actually buckling down and doing it everyday so it feels like alot. Either way, at least I am working on it. Sometimes I forget I'm in college...ha. crazy. But yeah, what a blessing to be able to do this college thing. It has been a blessing to be able to work during the day and still be able to be in college, as well as being involved in ministry at church. It has also been a blessing financially! I can't complain at all about the work it takes because it isn't that bad once I get past the fact that in college you will have homework here and there and you just gotta do it. I have also just been takin it day by day with the work. Do what I can and not stress. God doesn't want us to stress! So yeah, it hasn't been too bad at all. I can't believe I graduated high school two years ago. wierd.

but i just love jesus. [[cliche... I know]] but even past all my faults and failures, God is still right there and I never knew I could feel so loved and understood by a God we cannot see. I'm also excited for the things that God is doing in my friends lives and the ways that He is blessing them. It is so awesome to see those around you experience God at the fullest. (creepy note: I have been watching people worship while upstairs during church service. I get so encouraged watching people just lift up their hands to God and praise him!) I too have been experiencing God deeper than ever before, which is what I am always striving for. This week I think that He has shown me some things that have to do with my future, but I guess we will have to see in time and see what doors He opens. I'm just giving it all to Him and asking for direction and wisdom. God has opened up doors for me to share the Gospel with co-workers and customers this week and it's been cool. I also had a bible study with a friend of mine and we just talked about the basics of being a Christian. Pretty amazing. But really, this is what I am living for. This is what I am passionate about. I was also stoked about seeing all the students at Impact service on Wednesday night. God is doing some big things!

anywhoo, looking forward to Easter. I'll post later on that!
FGG

random.mindprovoking.thoughts

2009-04-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

[[not enough time to write tonight. just some tid-bits from my college book. profound, profound thoughts]]:

"True godliness is just as true, steady, and persevering in the realm of faith as it is in the province of prayer. Moreover: when faith ceases to pray...it ceases to live."

"Prayer must be habitual but much more than a habit. It is a duty, yet one which rises far above, and goes beyond the ordinary implications of the term. It is the expression of a relation to God, a yearning for divine commmunication..."

"Prayer has everything to do with molding the soul into the image of God...That man cannot possibly be called a Christian, who does not pray. By no possible pretext can he claim any right to the term, nor its implied significance. If he does not pray, he is a sinner, pure and simple, for prayer is the only way in which the soul of man can enter into fellowship and communion."

Big thought: as a Christian...prayer is never "optional".

wakey.wakey.eggs.and.bakey.

2009-04-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

love breakfast for dinner. Actually...breakfast anytime of the day is great. I love frosted shredded wheat! French Toast! Waffles! Biscuits and Gravy! Pancakes! Bacon! Eggs! Hashbrowns! Sausage! Omelets! oh the list could go on!
so thats what i'm having tonight...my speciality. (yes, i can cook this)

gotta get ready for our game :)

040209

2009-04-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

sometimes my day off during the week scares me. I always have a lot to get done and my day off is a great day to catch up a little bit and take a breath. But sometimes these days off backfire. I end up doing NOTHING cause I go back to bed then I just am blah all day long. But praise be to God... by choice... TODAY WILL NOT BE LIKE THAT! I had my defining moment, as we talked about in youth service last night, and I decided to be productive.

So on that note...i'm getting off here! I'm gonna study a bit, work on education hour, hang out with a friend, workout and then go with my mom to visit my grandparents in the hospital. (lift them up in prayer...) so yeah, today will be ultra good. LOVING LIFE! In love with Jesus! Sharing it with the world!

FGG

2009-03-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

"God will never leave you empty. If something is taken away, He will replace it with something better. If He denies your request in a certain area, its because He wishes to give you what is best. If He asks you to put something down, its so you can pick up something greater."

-Roy Lessin

2009-03-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored of little gods, while standing on the edge of something large.
While standing here, so close to you, we could be consumed.
What a glorious day

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to Your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide

So sweet this surrender...

2009-03-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

bah. ha. i'm sure God is laughing at me. This morning I was such a crank trying to get out of bed. I probably looked ridiculous fighting the covers off... but I prayed for a while and told myself to just make it through the morning with the kids and have the best attitude I could..and victory is mine! I made it and everything went great. now its 9 and I've got a full day ahead filled with work, gonna hit the gym, and get some college work done. This weekend I was reminded how small I am compared to God and how unworthy I am of His love. At church I was just thinking of all that God is and how glorious He is...and I had one of those, "wow...who am I to even deserve this?" moments. I have so many flaws and imperfections, but He loves me despite that and is helping me become better! Thank You God! I am so grateful to be signifcant in his eyes...or as the bible says, his "treasured possession." I am nothing without Jesus thats for sure and I want the world today to see how awesome He is. I've got people all around that are starving for purpose and true love..and they are looking for it in all the wrong places. I have the answer in Christ so I gotta share!

now off to spend one on one time with Jesus. I'm so in love with Him. I'm taking this journey of life one day at a time, making the most of everyday. Nothing else is worth living for but Jesus Christ! FGG

honestly...

2009-03-21T14:41:00.001-07:00

...this past week has been a blur. i guess its sort of a good thing cause you know what they say, " time flies when youre having fun!" and i did have fun. lots of relational activities this week with family and friends.

i realized though something about myself this week, something that isn't a good thing:

i am really unproductive when i sleep in, even just for a little bit.

I used to be able to sleep in til noon, then get up and get lots of work done and have a full speed ahead night with productivity. I think that i've lost that niche. After this week, I've realized that I've got so accustomed to waking up early that when I get the luxury to sleep in...the whole day is shot. I stay in bed all day and have zero motivation. For example, this week i struggled with this because of spring break. I didn't have to get up at 6! But I had such a hard time getting out of bed. I would just lay there, hitting the alarm clock over and over again even though i had a ton of things to do. So what I decided is that I have to get out of bed by 9...otherwise, I will lay around all day and DO NOTHING!

so long sleeping in...unless i'm on vacation :)

sunny days.

2009-03-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

its amazing what the sun will do to ya.. for instance, today at work, it seemed that most everyone had a new glow about them. I clocked in this morning as usual when my coworker Dave, as usual, asked me how i was doing. I replied with my normal "good, what about you." He replied back in the same manner (the typical morning greeting). we have an hour before we open that we set up the restaurant and usually in that one hour, conversation is minimal. Most people are trying to wake up, get everything ready, and "put on their game faces" as my boss would like to say. But today ended up being different and i'm convinced its because of the weather. After my normal clocking in experience, I stepped back into the kitchen only to say, "how can you not being having a good day with this gorgeous weather!?" Everyone agreed. the weather can be just a picker upper when it is as beautiful as it was today.

I will enjoy this weather. Not take it for granted! Windows down, jamming out. Going for a walk, and try to fit in a game or two of soccer tomorrow. I'm off now to babysit the little olsen kids and tonight i'm bringing along jordan, another girl I babysit who is 10. I'm bringing her along so i can teacher her some things about babysitting so that when she gets older she can do it. I pray that i can make an impact in her life and she will see how awesome God is tonight through the time we spend together. Adios!

2009-03-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

i want to lay in a field, look up at the stars, and admire God's creativity.

summer please get here quickly.

discovering.

2009-03-11T20:44:00.001-07:00

acoustic music and writing is a great combination. i could hang out in a coffee house all day long...reading books, sippin on a cappuccino, writing and thinking about life. i also enjoy a day out in the park, playing soccer, getting all sweaty, and being competitive. its weird how i find myself so satisfied and entertained in both environments even though they are drastically different. But i must take time to both: writing and working out. One without the other in life is out of balance. i must have my time to think and write...a form of expression. but i also must have relational time with others or even getting a good workout to keep the endorphins flowing. both are important for my emotional well-being. this is all apart of my design and the way god created me...interesting.

thoughts from a monday afternoon...

2009-03-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

i'm loving life right now. i'm loving the rain. I'm enjoying the time that i am spending with friends and family. nothing is better than spending time with the people in your life who love you for you, even with the flaws...the people you can just relax around and be yourself with. I'm convinced you should spend as much time as you can with them, while you have time to do it! I'm enjoying the good laughs i've been having lately at work and with friends. Life without laughter is boooo. i'm enjoying the depth of my relationship with God and the growth there. I'm enjoying being 20, in college, doing what i am doing. I'm content with where I am but i am still hungry for what God has next. :) life is great.

It's so tight how time with Jesus can change the start to your day. I was exhauuusted this morning and had one of those moments where you say, "do i really need to get out of bed? Maybe i could call in today?" But i got out of bed and spent time with God. i was amazed with the transformation that i could see in myself. I was no longer tired and blah but i was ready for the day and ready to serve God wholeheartedly. I walked out the door with a smile on my face. I was ready to change the world and ready to please God. I had one of the best workouts everrrr today. I was a sweaty sweaty girl but i was loving the burn i could feel in my body. ((hopefully i will be able to move tomorrow!)) but its all for God's glory!

so now, homework will be next on the agenda. I'm going to get lots done tonight! maybe watch dancing with the stars with mi madre because shawn johnson is on it this season! we are big fans!

random thought: my sister is 24 today. this is craziness, i seriously remember playing together and sharing a bedroom with her back in the day. Time flies so fast! I'm beginning to believe people when they say the older you get, the quicker the years fly by.. happy birthday sis.

FGG

imagine all the people...

2009-03-04T19:37:00.000-08:00

i've discovered this thing that i have with music. i find myself listening to my ipod and thoughts of God are stirring back and forth though the lyrics. so i thought i'd title this blog: "imagine all the people" after the famous song by John Lennon.

Now in this song, his heart is to see all the people free of war and living in peace and that the world would be in unity. He uses the word "imagine" to put a vision in his song of what he wants things to be like. Now, i'm not agreeing with this song in its entirety...but i do believe that this week i have had my own "imagine all the people" moment.

I think that God has refreshed my view of my life and the purpose that i am living for. When you think about the future there has to be a question of goals that you will be striving for. Everything you do will be based around this thing that you are running after in life. Well for me, I am running after God. I am a Christian first and last! I want to impact the world, not just in my words but in the way that i am living. So EVERYTHING is revolving around this life purpose of reaching the lost and impacting the whole world to step it up and live for God. This means that all the choices i make from now until marriage and from marriage to having kids and so on will be built around this life purpose of why i am walking on planet earth. My purpose is in God and everything I choose to do will be for His sake.

I've been thinking about what my dream world would look like. I've used the words "imagine all the people...." and i just throw in anything to finish that sentence of what i would love to see the whole world be like. Like, "imagine all the people worshipping Jesus at the cross. facedown, hands in the air...in full surrender." Mannnn. thats powerful. I mean if you even just imagined the people that you know worshipping God, let alone the whole stinking world! Just imagine every person you have ever met, seeking God in prayer each morning, meeting up with groups of other people to pray and grow, teaching the Word... imagine all the people...loving the way God loves, in mercy and forgiveness, not self-seeking but giving TRUE love, real love... imagine.

well that could be hours of thinking in itself! But on Sunday morning we sang a song in church service that I think depicts what I want the world to be like and this song just made me be in tears because this is what i want to see and this is why i am breathing every morning and why i am doing what i am doing: "we wanna see Jesus lifted high, a banner that flies across this land, that all men might see the truth and know, JESUS is the way to heaven!"

now this song is fun and we are jamming out to it at church and its great... but ive been thinking about these lyrics and imagining this and what it would be like! Think about it! I want to see Jesus lifted high, everywhere. Not that Jesus is just some guy, but that HE IS THE WAY TO HEAVEN. That all people would see the truth and know that Jesus is the only way. I thought about the people I work with, specifically the owner of the company was on my heart. I thought about him just praising God, lifting up Jesus. I thought about my family and seeing them just lift up Jesus and talking about their relationship with Him and how awesome He is. I thought about cable television and how every channel would be directed some how someway at God. So yeah, there could still be like the Food Network and Discovery Channel...and even MTV! But MTV would be music television of God...and that all the reality tv shows would be about real people living for Jesus Christ! That all the talk shows would be about issues with Christianity and the Bible and "how-to's" on becoming a better Christian. I mean..how tight would this be!?!

Imagine all the people spitting out things about Jesus left and right. There are just as many Bibles on the shelves as there are gossip magazines. There is rush hour traffic on Sunday mornings because everyone has to make a morning commute to church! There has to be a traffic report on television and radio to get everyone to church on time! people are flooding churches and on monday you come to work and talk about God some more and about how great He is and all that He is speaking to you in your life

but its easy to imagine and then the struggle is the follow up with action and pursue the change we want to see in the world. The deal is that it has to start with me. I have to be the change I want to see. Then I need to go impact lives around me and so they can see the truth and lift up Jesus. But I have to do my part. Step by step, one day at a time, making an impact. If you impact even ONE life, you have impacted the world. So that's where I am...just step by step taking ground in every conversation, every moment, every aspect of my life. But as i'm doing this, it all goes back to this passion that I have to see the world lift up Jesus and give Him the glory. That is my purpose.

ahhh...thoughts. Imagine all the people...

ooh so much to say...but....

2009-03-02T18:33:00.000-08:00

i have a lot of homework to do tonight, so typing should be minimal. I have a thousand words to say and my brain has been racing all day, thinking about God...life...the future. but tonight won't be the post dealing with all that, it must wait.

mondays can sometimes be my "hard" day of the week. Its the first day back from the weekend and if i'm not careful i can be a real downer about it...i've realized this about myself, which is good because I can work on it. but today was great! its the 2nd of 31 days of a new challenge i am embarking on... maybe ill write about that sometime later too. ((so much to say, so little time!)) but yes, today was good. I worked out hard today, both lifting and cardio.It felt good and i listened to a bible podcast at the gym that reads one chapter of the old testament, two of the new testament, one psalm, and one proverb. its some good stuff! jesus is so tight!

i just praise God cause I can see myself changing and see how some of my persistency has paid off. Sometimes we don't always get to see how we are changing for the better but i thank God for the moments when you see yourself respond in a way that you normally wouldnt. You finally say to yourself "I am changing! i am making an impact!" those times are nice. i am enjoying it!

so thats the nitty gritty. i can feel God doing some awesome things and i am being challenged in new areas, left and right. I am seeing God move in my life in a whole new way. i am enjoying this journey i'm on and i am so stoked about what he has for my life. My task for now is to be ready and growing for whatever happens next..whether its in 2009, 2029, or years later. I want to be ready to be used by God!

FGG.

late night ramblings.

2009-02-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

its eleven thirty and i'm having late night rambilings. ha! there is alot going on in this little head of mine!

without going toooo heavy, i have been really trying to apply this concept of "crucifying" your passions to God-DAILY. the bible talks about taking up your cross daily and i have said those words countless mornings to God. "God, right now, I just take up my cross and give you my life. I die to my self and want to please you." That is the common mumbo jumbo that comes out of my mouth but I realized that it was starting to become so mundane and habitual...

but this week i decided to start being more specific with God about the things that I am "crucifying" aka: dieing to or giving up so that I can have God's best and live according to the way he wants. Such things as "God, I crucify this desire right now to sleep longer and be lazy. I crucify these thoughts I have and the negative attitude I have going into this situation. I crucify my emotions, the way I feel about this and my desires for this. I crucify my dreams and give them to you." All of these are in my prayers during the common hours of the day. I am recognizing my own self-will, crucifiying it, then.. I am moving forward with everything inside of me. Its a real interesting process but it is what being a Christ follower is about. The constant thing I am battling are my dreams and hopes for the future.. every hour I am giving those to God, and i'm growing! :) it takes time, effort, and relying on God.

so anywhooo, just some of the things on my mind. Some randomosity: I tried to parallel park a car today=bad idea. HA! It was sort of funny! I also had a good joke with God. Okay here is the conversation...

"God, thank you for waking me up this morning. I was real tired and I am surprised that I could get up at 6am and be ready for the day. Thank you for waking me up because I know I was sleeping like a rock....wait, God, you ARE the ROCK! You are my rock!" get it? sleeping like a rock? Hah. I'm lame.

Well, more adventures to come. I'm excited for my education hour class on Sunday and for the next time to hear from God from on Sunday morning. Im stoked to hang with some friends this weekend and to see what God does next....

Psalm 138:8-"The Lord will work out his plans for my life- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me."

F.G.G.

euphoria.

2009-02-25T19:45:00.000-08:00

Euphoria: a feeling of great (usually exaggerated) elation

I have ALOT to be euphoric about tonight (love that word!) God is just so awesome and i have so much to rejoice and praise about on this day. I don't want to be mundane, but today's festivities were quite enjoyable so i figure id share!

I arose at 6:30, babysat from 7:00-8:30, went back to sleep, woke up at 10 (which is sleeping in for me) went to lunch with my papa at 11:00, then I did some homework, started reading this awesome book called "All I need is Jesus and a Good Pair of Jeans", did some more homework, went to the park and read my bible in the beautiful weather, had dinner with emilia, annnd went to church :)

woah, what a good day. my lunch with my dad was awesome. we talked about life's events and the future, the dreams we both have for the days ahead. Its really cool to share those things that you think about but maybe never put out there. I love that i can throw ideas at him and he tells me what he thinks. I love him so much! and probably the best thing about hanging out with him too is that i feel like we both get something out of the time together. When we hang out, it is uplifting for both of us. It isn't selfish conversation or a venting session. There is no agenda when we meet and i love that.

I also decided today to take advantage of the beautiful weather outside and read my bible at the park. It is probably one of my favorite things to do when the weather is just right. There is something about nature that draws me closer to God. It was a great way to take a break from studying, although i must praise God too because i'm loving the book i'm reading for school right now. It is all about preaching and the art of preaching as well as the importance of preaching in the church today. I'm diggin it... i'm also diggin this new artist, Francesca Battistelli. I haven't stopped listening to her on my ipod for seriously the last two weeks. check her out!

so yep... three great days this week and four to go! takin it one day at a time and living for jesus with everything inside of me. i'm loving it! i'm ready for tomorrow...going to make a difference in the world!

well, time to eat dinner, my mom is amazing and leaves dinner in the microwave for me for when i get home from church. tonight is marinated chicken breast, green beans, garlic bread, and pasta salad..mmmMMmmm.

thats all for now..peace out boy scout! F.G.G.

tuesddayy.

2009-02-24T16:43:00.000-08:00

today was awesome. alot of the things that i am praying about are popping into my life. i'm now seeing the ways that God is testing me in my faith and i am having to stick to my word and commitments. Not just talking the talk, but walking the walk! ...so i am definately growing and leaning on JC! but i tore it up this morning with God (in a good way) and had an awesome prayer time! it is always a great way to start to the day and spending time with him just puts things into perspective on what really is important in life.

2 great days this week and 5 more to go!

i'm looking forward to tomorrow, lunch date with my pops! it is always such a good time to catch up with him...he is definately one of the people in my life that just "get me" and i can have a conversation with about anything. i love it. i'm sure we will go out on a walk too cause its supposed to be a beauuutiful day! :) glad i dont have to work! And i'm also excited about church tomorrow night and the conclusion of "FANATIC" ...who knows what will happen! get ready!!!

but for now, gotta eat (pilates killed tonight) and then i'm off to discipleship meeting. I will have to post about that later... i am learning so much about God's definition of love and loving others. my prayer is that i will become better at loving my neighbor better than myself and loving people intentionally, even when I dont feel like it. my prayer is that God's love would be felt through me when i spend time with other people. like the beatles say, "all you need is love.."

so for now... adios! F.G.G.

The Beginning....

2009-02-23T19:41:00.001-08:00

I decided to start a blog here on "blogger"... why? Well, for many reasons.

I have been blogging for the last year or so and I have enjoyed it more than anyone could know. It has been so amazing to see the thoughts in my head on paper and then being able to share them with the world. Myspace was always the place I would post my thoughts for all to see and most of the time they weren't just random thoughts but they were posts of profound revelations...that took a lot of time to come to. It was a once a month thing, instead of sharing my daily life.

But I've been thinking lately that it would be fun to post more blogs, with random events and questions of life to go with these long profound blogs in the mix too. It would be fun to share the thoughts, questions, quirks, and funny events of life that we go through everyday. But most importantly, I want to share my walk with Jesus with the world. I want to record the ups and downs, the road that i'm traveling along the way. Because being a Christian means that you have a relationship with Jesus Christ...everyday! How tight is this!?! There is so much that He is teaching me and so much that I am growing through! Why not share the journey?

So here we goooo.....