expectations.

I've been thinking about expectations lately. (thank you Bill Gothard! ha.) I have been thinking about the times that I get upset, frustrated, mad, annoyed, irked...and so on. So i've been looking back and thinking about the times that I just blow up on the inside. (if I'm angry...I keep it in, then it all comes out in tears..true story). Looking back, the times that I get angry all have something in common. Those times are when I either don't get what I want or things dont go the way that I expected or planned. So this word of expectations comes into play.

Expectations are a scary thing. They can set you up for failure. If you expect something to happen and it doesnt, it can hurt so bad. If you expect someone to do something for you or act a certain way...you are putting yourself up for a let down. I'm realizing in myself that I need to stop having expectations for things. I shouldn't expect something because often times I believe that I DESERVE it and that I have a RIGHT to something happening a certain way. When we have expectations, we are in control. But that isn't what being a Christian is at all. God is supposed to be in control and we need to give all our expectations to Him. When we do this, I believe that another attitude will shine in us. That is: GRATEFULNESS. When we don't have expectations, God can do things for us and we will appreciate it. Then, when He chooses not to give us what we want, we will not be defeated. We will know that He is in control.

so...I've been thinkin about that. I struggle with being grateful. I usually take things for granted and then when things don't go my way, I get upset. Like over stupid things...for example: (The life of Missy Fitzgerald)

I came home from church late...I wanted to get a snack, watch the DVR shows I recorded, and go to bed.

But when I came home...my brother was watching the TV. Oh no.

"Can I watch my recorded show, Matt?"

He says, "No. I'm watching a movie"

I say, "Well, when will it be over?"

He says, "In an hour."

At this point its like eleven and I'm exhausted. But I have to see what happened on American Idol.

So what do I do?

I get annoyed and frustrated...and quiet. (cause thats what I do when I get mad)

I go to bed with a chip on my shoulder.

How silly of me. selfish.

All because of expectations and not getting what I want.

I'm still so immature! Gotta work on this.

The thing with this is that I had these expectations and rights. I felt that I deserved and that I should get my way. When in all reality, it isn't like that at all. If the tables were turned, my brother wouldn't get mad. It's silly. I know. I am just a selfish creature and God is trying to work on that inside of me....even if its through wierd things like this. I'm learning!

Just a tid bit of my life. the end.

Titus 2:11-14

I really have a lot of thoughts...but I can't find a concise way to write them. eh, i love writing but sometimes its just alot easier to share these thoughts with someone in person. But, no one around...no one who probably has interest or cares...and its like 7:45am. soooo i guess these thoughts will stay in my head. ha. but this last week was great with the IBLP seminar at church. I went in praying about somethings and I was laughing during it because God spoke to me so much about the things that I had on my heart. so i'm stoked and grateful for what I learned. I didn't want to just sit there and not get much out of it...so yey for God. 

I'm ready for this week and to make God famous in my life. To give Him the glory and all the fame in everything I do because everything that I am is BECAUSE of Him. Nothing I did, nothing I deserve. Just the grace of God and the gift of Jesus. Time to live it out. Stop just talking about what God can do...but actually seeing somethings go down. It all comes down to making yourself a living sacrifice. Actually taking your life and putting it on the altar. Sacrificing what you want, what you desire and giving it to Him. Verbalizing that to God- that the very things you want the most you give to Him and know that if you should have them that He will give it back. That is what Jesus did: He gave up all of his rights. It's tough! If you lay down those things...and mean it, its heart wrenching...but this is what it means to follow Christ wholeheartedly.

"For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds." Titus 2:11-14

love.you.jesus.

i don't have much to say but that these two days this week so far have been amazing. ultra productive in the homework world and at the canyon. all that i want to accomplish this week is more time with jesus. i love him so much and i just need to make more time to spend with him. I'm also praying hardcore for this IBLP seminar this week and that God will teach me new things. I just wanna growwwww.

I hope you are having a blessed week and leaning on jesus for everything.
Life is meant to be lived! God has an abundant life waiting for us, all we have to do is take it and follow him step by step.

FGG.

quit being weak.

"Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

Worship God if you want the best;
worship opens doors to all his goodness.

Young lions on the prowl get hungry,
but God-seekers are full of God. "

Psalm 34:8-10 (the message)

things that make you go hmmm....

My latest list of things that have been boggling my brain…things that make you go hmm…

How is it that I can be busy on facebook for two hours or more…but 30 minutes of homework feels like three hours and I am exhausted and falling asleep?

Why is it that the bad food only tastes good? Okay, there are some healthy foods that are good…but really, why do we only crave the bad things? Why can’t I crave cauliflower or spinach?

Why is it that we speed when we are in a hurry? I mean… really…we only get there a couple minutes faster and most of the time those couple minutes don’t make a difference. If you are late then you are late.

Why is it that sometimes love can hurt? Does true love hurt? Has love been glazed over only to be this thing that “feels” good? Or will love always have it times of hurting and it is just a matter of fact that love can hurt?

How is it that God, who knows EVERYTHING, can see my whole life-all the junk-yet love me more than anyone else could?

How is it that when you meet God face to face and see Him in all His glory…you can feel so unworthy, yet so loved and valued? It’s not that you deserve it, but God welcomes you in like you deserve it.

How is it that the very things I dislike the most about myself are the hardest ones to change?

Why is it that I get annoyed when I do something idiotic, but I can’t help but be that annoying person that everyone gets irritated with? Even my personality I get annoyed with. I really can’t help it. Why do people hang out with me? Haha.

How is it that I feel so led by God in what I am doing-yet my life is like a blank canvas and I’m walking around in faith with very little knowledge of the future? I really don’t know what step is next (specifically speaking).

How is it that sometimes the things that consume our thoughts and kill our patience are the very same things that weren’t waiting for and stressing out about in the first place? Why do we get impatient for the things that aren’t worth having? Or how about this: why do we get impatient when we see how quick life is flying by? It will be here soon.

How come the very things we want are the things that are given to us when we aren’t looking for them?

Why is it that conversations are always full of complaining? It is either too cold in here or too hot. Something is either too easy or too hard. Life is either too busy or we are bored. How come we are never satisfied?

Why is it that Sundays are stressful and busy days for Christians? Shouldn’t it be a day to relax and rejoice in the Lord?

Why don’t we (our generation) take advice from our parents or grandparents? Haven’t they seen enough or been down the same road where we can trust that they know what they are talking about?

Why is it that girls want to get married right away when you can talk to any wife and they say to stay single longer?

Why does it take fifteen compliments to be encouraged about what you are doing, but only one comment to be discouraging and bring you down?

Why do we analyze others faults when we all know our deepest dark failures?

Why do we have to “see to believe” things now a days? How is it that you cannot trust a man’s word anymore?

Why do we say beauty is from within, but everyone looks on the outside beauty before they give the inside a chance?

Why is it that I can say the right things, my heart is hungry for the right things, but the wrong things creep in?

How is it that people complain about the lack of privacy, yet they put their lives on facebook and twitter..depicting every moment of their day? Celebrities wonder why the paparazzi always knows where they are...

things that make you go hmm...

restless.

a lot in my mind tonight.

this bethany dillon song fits me perfectly in this moment.

"All I need"

When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

sweep me away.

seems like my writing has been limited these last couple of weeks due to homework. Well, wait. I'm writing...just not in the blog world. I've been writing plenty for school! But lots of studyin been going on lately. I'm not sure if it is because my current class has a lot of assignments...or rather I am actually buckling down and doing it everyday so it feels like alot. Either way, at least I am working on it. Sometimes I forget I'm in college...ha. crazy. But yeah, what a blessing to be able to do this college thing. It has been a blessing to be able to work during the day and still be able to be in college, as well as being involved in ministry at church. It has also been a blessing financially! I can't complain at all about the work it takes because it isn't that bad once I get past the fact that in college you will have homework here and there and you just gotta do it. I have also just been takin it day by day with the work. Do what I can and not stress. God doesn't want us to stress! So yeah, it hasn't been too bad at all. I can't believe I graduated high school two years ago. wierd.

but i just love jesus. [[cliche... I know]] but even past all my faults and failures, God is still right there and I never knew I could feel so loved and understood by a God we cannot see. I'm also excited for the things that God is doing in my friends lives and the ways that He is blessing them. It is so awesome to see those around you experience God at the fullest. (creepy note: I have been watching people worship while upstairs during church service. I get so encouraged watching people just lift up their hands to God and praise him!) I too have been experiencing God deeper than ever before, which is what I am always striving for. This week I think that He has shown me some things that have to do with my future, but I guess we will have to see in time and see what doors He opens. I'm just giving it all to Him and asking for direction and wisdom. God has opened up doors for me to share the Gospel with co-workers and customers this week and it's been cool. I also had a bible study with a friend of mine and we just talked about the basics of being a Christian. Pretty amazing. But really, this is what I am living for. This is what I am passionate about. I was also stoked about seeing all the students at Impact service on Wednesday night. God is doing some big things!

anywhoo, looking forward to Easter. I'll post later on that!
FGG

random.mindprovoking.thoughts

[[not enough time to write tonight. just some tid-bits from my college book. profound, profound thoughts]]:

"True godliness is just as true, steady, and persevering in the realm of faith as it is in the province of prayer. Moreover: when faith ceases to pray...it ceases to live."

"Prayer must be habitual but much more than a habit. It is a duty, yet one which rises far above, and goes beyond the ordinary implications of the term. It is the expression of a relation to God, a yearning for divine commmunication..."

"Prayer has everything to do with molding the soul into the image of God...That man cannot possibly be called a Christian, who does not pray. By no possible pretext can he claim any right to the term, nor its implied significance. If he does not pray, he is a sinner, pure and simple, for prayer is the only way in which the soul of man can enter into fellowship and communion."

Big thought: as a Christian...prayer is never "optional".

wakey.wakey.eggs.and.bakey.

love breakfast for dinner. Actually...breakfast anytime of the day is great. I love frosted shredded wheat! French Toast! Waffles! Biscuits and Gravy! Pancakes! Bacon! Eggs! Hashbrowns! Sausage! Omelets! oh the list could go on!
so thats what i'm having tonight...my speciality. (yes, i can cook this)

gotta get ready for our game :)

040209

sometimes my day off during the week scares me. I always have a lot to get done and my day off is a great day to catch up a little bit and take a breath. But sometimes these days off backfire. I end up doing NOTHING cause I go back to bed then I just am blah all day long. But praise be to God... by choice... TODAY WILL NOT BE LIKE THAT! I had my defining moment, as we talked about in youth service last night, and I decided to be productive.

So on that note...i'm getting off here! I'm gonna study a bit, work on education hour, hang out with a friend, workout and then go with my mom to visit my grandparents in the hospital. (lift them up in prayer...) so yeah, today will be ultra good. LOVING LIFE! In love with Jesus! Sharing it with the world!

FGG