expectations.

I've been thinking about expectations lately. (thank you Bill Gothard! ha.) I have been thinking about the times that I get upset, frustrated, mad, annoyed, irked...and so on. So i've been looking back and thinking about the times that I just blow up on the inside. (if I'm angry...I keep it in, then it all comes out in tears..true story). Looking back, the times that I get angry all have something in common. Those times are when I either don't get what I want or things dont go the way that I expected or planned. So this word of expectations comes into play.

Expectations are a scary thing. They can set you up for failure. If you expect something to happen and it doesnt, it can hurt so bad. If you expect someone to do something for you or act a certain way...you are putting yourself up for a let down. I'm realizing in myself that I need to stop having expectations for things. I shouldn't expect something because often times I believe that I DESERVE it and that I have a RIGHT to something happening a certain way. When we have expectations, we are in control. But that isn't what being a Christian is at all. God is supposed to be in control and we need to give all our expectations to Him. When we do this, I believe that another attitude will shine in us. That is: GRATEFULNESS. When we don't have expectations, God can do things for us and we will appreciate it. Then, when He chooses not to give us what we want, we will not be defeated. We will know that He is in control.

so...I've been thinkin about that. I struggle with being grateful. I usually take things for granted and then when things don't go my way, I get upset. Like over stupid things...for example: (The life of Missy Fitzgerald)

I came home from church late...I wanted to get a snack, watch the DVR shows I recorded, and go to bed.

But when I came home...my brother was watching the TV. Oh no.

"Can I watch my recorded show, Matt?"

He says, "No. I'm watching a movie"

I say, "Well, when will it be over?"

He says, "In an hour."

At this point its like eleven and I'm exhausted. But I have to see what happened on American Idol.

So what do I do?

I get annoyed and frustrated...and quiet. (cause thats what I do when I get mad)

I go to bed with a chip on my shoulder.

How silly of me. selfish.

All because of expectations and not getting what I want.

I'm still so immature! Gotta work on this.

The thing with this is that I had these expectations and rights. I felt that I deserved and that I should get my way. When in all reality, it isn't like that at all. If the tables were turned, my brother wouldn't get mad. It's silly. I know. I am just a selfish creature and God is trying to work on that inside of me....even if its through wierd things like this. I'm learning!

Just a tid bit of my life. the end.