Wait and See

I love the song by Matthew West entitled "Wait and See". I love these lyrics: "There is hope, for me yet, because God won't forget, all the plans he's made for me...I have to wait and see, he's not finished with me yet."

I find so much hope and peace in the thought that God isn't finished with me, despite my mess of life. I love that God doesn't leave us where we are, even when we want to be content where we are. He knows what's best for us and wants to help us get to the next place on our journey...which is always better than where we were. But as much as I love that He keeps leading me to the next level, I know that with progression is change. And with change, is character development. I have found that usually character development comes in the areas of discipline, patience, endurance, and so on...aka: the hard part of change. I know I should move, but this selfishness in side of me doesn't want to deal with the character development.

Tonight my husband preached an awesome and challenging message in his series "Understanding the Times". He talked about how we need to be honest and realize our current condition with God and ultimately admit that we don't have it all together. (This is just the beginning and the first step to understanding the times that we live in and understanding our belief system vs. God's belief system) It seems like it's such an easy concept to say "I don't have it all together, I'm not like Jesus...duh!", but I see how in my life I can put up the front and act like I have it all together. Of course I wouldn't say that I'm Jesus Christ, but with what I think I know and my attitude in sharing what I think I know, I can at times reflect this. Sometimes I'm not teachable...sometimes I get bored with church...sometimes I think that certain messages and sermons don't apply to me. What I realized tonight is that I do not have it together. I am not Jesus Christ, nor am I close. I am on a journey and have not arrived at the final destination. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem...well there you go!

Alex mapped out 10 stops that people make along the transformational process to be like Christ. (If you didn't listen to the message...you should! go to www.newlifekc.com) I realized that out of the 10 steps, I am at number 6. I am in the category of "experiencing prolonged spiritual discontent." I think that I am on the back end of this category. The last 2 years, I feel like I've been in this state of wanting more...but not moving. I've felt like at times I am in this "spiritual coma" where I am almost on Auto pilot. But the last 6 months, I believe that God has really been moving in me where I am headed for the next step in the process. In August, I had a complete moment of brokenness. I realized how sinful I was and that I had been breaking God's heart in a certain area of my life. I confessed, and got right with God (which I should have done long before). I believe this is the bridge to the next stop in the process of "experience personal brokeness". I see that I've tasted this, but I haven't lived in this brokeness state. I see the broken state as someone who realizes that they are nothing without God and lean on Him in every area of their life. I'm praying that God would help me to move to the next step in the process. I want to know Him more and be fully dependent on Him. But "wanting it" and "living it" are two different things. I haven't been fully dependent on Christ in my life. I've tasted that dependency, but I'm praying that God would help me see how I can fully depend on Him. I know I can be SO independent!

I'm not sure what is next, but at least I realize where I am and I know where I want to be. Please be praying for me as I move to the next step in this journey with Christ. He's not finished with me yet!