grow. be more.

vacation was awesome....to put it simply. I stepped out of my comfort zone, stepped away from all relationships I interact with daily, and jumped into a whole new lifestyle for 6 days. I got to relax, experience new things, run in the country fields, spend time with Jesus, and just breathe with no stress. it was great. I was praying for this trip to be like this so praise God for that. I knew this whole trip was a God-thing and He wanted it to happen. Many great things came because of this short vacation.

Of all the things I expected and wanted, I especially wanted to grow. I was pushing myself to not be lazy in this week but take advantage of the time I had. I made sure to spend time with God, read my Bible, go out and just see the nature that God created. At one point I was standing at an intersection in the middle of the country and there was no one around for miles...not even a house or cars or anything. I just stopped and was speechless. God made it all and its so beautiful! the fields, the animals, the sun. Then at night time, I saw something that I couldnt possibly put into words. I saw stars like I've never seen in my life. We went out and just gazed at them...and you will never see stars in the city like you do in the country. Once again, how great is our God.

I was cleansed this week. With no media outlets coming through my brain, no news or anything, I almost felt like I was separate from the world. I'm not sure if I like this completely. I like to have a knowledge of whats going on in the news. But the big thing is that I felt alot better without the tv. I felt better without the internet. I felt "cleaner" as weird as that is. My mind was filled with less junk. There is a balance in this for me, but once again I was reminded that these things play a bigger part in my life than what I'd like to admit. When I was there and I was looking for something to do, the tv or internet wasnt avaliable so I just read my Bible or read a book I picked up. I feel so much healthier with this stuff! arghh. Its frustrating because it all comes down to laziness. Its easier to watch TV or get on facebook...but the easiest thing is the worst thing usually. I didnt have any music either which was CRAZY. that was a first. I always listen to music...every morning and night, in the car everywhere I go. A week without music made me realize how much I lean on music to fill the silence. Not sure if this is a bad or good thing yet. ha.

I enjoyed the conversations I was able to have with Kamee. Talking back and forth about controversial subjects, asking the hard questions, getting her take on things that I have never talked about before. We bantered back and forth about what is right and what God thinks about it all compared to the world. This was great and I'm thankful. I believe God had a smile on His face looking at this week and this vacation. Sometimes you wonder if these worldy things like vacations and trips can bring Him glory and praise. This week it did and thats what made it all worth it.

now the thing is to take these things into daily life. I find myself fed up with apathy and sin and passionate about conviction and righteousness. We are only given so much time and I dont want to stand before God saying that I wasted my time away. I dont want to stand before God saying that I was caught up in myself and my life while people are going to hell and wasting away....

“So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.” Eleanor Roosevelt

ready

6 days of freedom and relaxation. i'm stoked. but its more than carelessness and lack of responsbility that i want to engulf myself in. I want to grow this week. No distractions will be around but what I allow there to be-no media outlets, no cell phones, no schedule, no work, no hmwk, no everyday stresses. Just life and time to do whatever. I think it's even going to be good to have some separation time from friends too because you may care about each other and love hanging out...but some time apart is a healthy thing! It's going to be interesting, thats for sure. My parents said that it is awesome if i do these things now, while I can before a serious job committment, husband, or children! This week is going to be a total blessing overall and I'm so thankful to God for working it all out.

But I'm also determined that this week will have PURPOSE! I want to just get deep into God's word, spend so much time with Him in the common hours, go out and run on the dirt roads, and get some sun. (it's supposed to be in the 100's all week! craziness) I'll be journaling my experiences, thoughts, God times and I'm picking up a book from the library I am interested in reading too. I hope to get to do new things and see what other people live like outside of my little box that I'm in. I want to spend some down time with Kamee and see where her roots are...where she calls home and all the memories that she has with it. All of this is what I am looking forward to!

In the meantime, between now and tomorrow afternoon, I still have to clean, pack, run some errands...oh and do some hmwk and take a test! Wow oh wow. Be with me Jesus! With God...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Goodbye KC til Saturday.

a thought:
every girl spends time daydreaming about their wedding...whether they admit it or not. why dont we daydream about our wedding to Christ one day? the day when the church, known as the Bride of Christ, will be reunited again with Jesus himself? How glorious this time will be! Now this is something to dream about!

i really dont know why i am still awake.
i'm supposed to meet a friend to run in approximately 6 hours.
yet i'm blogging. and its 1 am.
maybe its the day's full schedule that has me still buzzing around.
or perhaps the thoughts in my mind.
but either way...sleep is in the near future.

i have had more growth in the last couple weeks than i have in a long time..spiritually speaking! (no, in the height department i'm still short!) but for real, i have had my eyes opened, been humbled, been shown where i really am and the ways that i am coming short of the goal. All praise and thanks to God for teaching me and never giving up on me. I've been having revelations about God from the Bible, grasping new concepts, and just growing as a person. I am having some "growing pains" that are tough. But this is the only way to grow and truly reach the potential that each one of us has been given to reach. I want to reach my max potential.

sometimes i feel like i am doing so good...only to see that it is just God doing good through me. Nothing about me is good. Only God is good. He is so good to work on my heart and help me become more. I think about things I dont have control of...but only God is good enough to do what is BEST for me, in the PERFECT timing, in a way that will bring Him GLORY.

Lord, keep workin on this mess i am! youre so good to me!

life has been chaotic but sometimes you just gotta deal. Take a deep breath. Relax. Trust God. Pray. Take it step by step. Moment by moment. Do the best that you can. Give it your all.

That is the formula for survival right now as everything is jammed pack as far as the schedule goes and it seems i cant just catch a breath. I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off...but i know that this is a good thing! for real. I am growing, learning how to prioritze and plan my time and have a busy-yet enjoyable-life all with good attitude and a genuine smile on my face. I'm seein some progress! I am excited about the things I am learning, seeing God move in my life, and of course...I am excited for whatever it is that God has next. Trying not to get ancy or impatient...just trusting Him each day and giving Him my destiny. He is so good. I just want to share it with the world and be the light that brightens this darkness we live in everyday.

This is the scripture of my life right now....


Matthew 6

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Tuck Everlasting

So one of the books I loved in junior high days was a book called Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt. The book is about a girl named Winnie Foster and how she encounters the Tuck family. However, the Tuck family has an unusual dark secret...they are immortal. Winnie discovers that many years ago they drank from a spring that gave them life forever where they can never die. Nothing can physically hurt them, no gunshot or wound, and they will live on forever. The Tuck family never wanted anyone to know, but once Winnie finds out they have no choice but to explain to her everything and how it happened. Winnie is awestruck by the family and (of course) falls in love with Jesse, one of the Tuck boys. They spend time together and love each other-but are faced to think about the future and how she will die but he will live on forever. She wants to be with him forever, even be immortal too. what is she to do? She is offered to drink from the spring but still knows that it will impact and change everything. She is all of the sudden facing a moment of truth. What should she do?

I was watching this movie on Lifetime, as I remember once again why I loved the movie and book. The story is very enchanting yet intense and mind boggling. A young girl is faced with the hardest decision of her life. Wouldn't it be cool to live forever? To never fear death? To never have to worry about dying or how you will die, or how your loved ones would die? Doesn't that sound cool? Well, I thought that it was interesting that the Tuck family told Winnie not to drink it. They were immortal but they liked the idea of dying. They said it was more miserable to live forever than to die and face death because there wasn't anything on earth worth living for. They talked to her about making the hard decision now and in the long run it would pay off later. She may want to drink it now, but she needed to think about years down the road. I was thinking about these choices that we have to make that affect our life forever. There are "defining moments" where we make a decision that impacts us for life. I thought about this decision that Winnie had to make and was thinking about the decision to live for Christ that you make.

I was thinking about commitment. If you had to do something that you couldn't turn back from, you would have to be committed to it 100%. If Winnie took a drink and changed her mind, it would be too late and she couldn't go back. I think that this is why many people fear commitment and then once they say they are "committed" they aren't really all in. When some people get saved or "commit" their life to Christ, they are half hearted. They want the gift but its a hard decision to make and requires change...so they choose to not go all the way just in case they don't like it and they can turn back later. The truth is that people lack commitment. No matter what it is, people don't want to commit. And that is the problem with Christians today....you can't be half in and half out with God. You can't be lukewarm for God cause He doesn't want that! He says hot or cold! So when you take a "drink" from the spring, you are all in because you chose the road and are not looking back. God wants His children to be in it for the long run. He wants you to take a drink and think about serving Him for the rest of your life. Eternity is in mind. It's not that you have to know everything he wants you to do, He just wants commitment and to give your word that no matter what happens, you will always serve Him. It's not that you won't struggle but that He wants to know that you aren't going to give up on it. He wants to hear that you don't want to turn back to the old sinful life and you are there to live a new committed life. It is commitment that is lacking in the church and causing hypocrisy. They feel like they can get away with the half-hearted apathetic life they call a relationship with Jesus.

By no means is this book written for a Christian perspective, but there are different things to learn from it. When you think about death, it doesn't have to be a scary thing if you know God. We are offered eternal life with God if we choose to follow Christ. I just think its interesting that many don't consider this a big deal or a big decision to make. They carelessly go through life without thinking about it. But then there are people who decide to follow Christ, but then only do it half-heartily out of their own selfishness. Immortality on earth isn't realistic, but your soul will live forever and it is our choice and decision where it will live...heaven or hell?


oh, and what did Winnie Foster do? Read the book....duh! It's a real good ending!